


Coming Back Home

by Sussi



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-14
Updated: 2012-06-19
Packaged: 2017-11-07 17:25:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 29,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/433594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sussi/pseuds/Sussi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being away from the BAU for five years, Emily returns. With her she brings a big surprise - especially for Hotch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Familiar and unfamiliar faces

**July 2015**

It was late one Friday afternoon, early in the month of July. The sun was hot and the air was thick and still. Almost expecting in a way, as if prepared that something of great substance was about to happen. But then again how could the air really know that?

 

SSA Aaron Hotchner, best known to his friends simply as Hotch, had just dropped off his son Jack at their apartment after picking him up at his summer baseball camp. It was his and the almost-ten-year-old's tradition. All other days it was Jack's aunt Jessica who picked him up, but Fridays belonged to father and son.

 

As Jack sat quietly watching a movie Hotch closed the front door behind him after carefully setting the alarm. He walked through the front gate and made his way down to the local park to have his weekly walk. As usual he needed to clear his mind. He didn't want the grime and the gore of the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI to take over the weekends that were just his and Jack's.

 

Swiftly walking down the same path he'd always preferred he savored his surroundings as he felt the late summer sun beaming down on his furrowed face. He could hear vibrant laughter somewhere up ahead and he felt the tension in his tired muscles slowly seeping away.

 

He turned a corner, absentmindedly letting his eyes trail along the graveled path. Then all of a sudden he saw something that made his entire body go rigid. Stopping dead in his tracks Hotch stared at the patch of grass a short distance ahead of him.

 

His eyes wide and his mouth hanging open he just stared. It was all he could do. He shook his head a little in an attempt to shake away the dream he was surely having. But the image in front of him did not shift. This just couldn't be. She was supposed to be living in New York. She had been living there almost five years now.

 

He still vividly remembered their last time together. It was four years, ten months and five days since he'd last had a conversation with her. If you could even call it that. They'd been so angry at each other that day. Shouted at each other. Said things he knew neither of them had meant. After that day they hadn't talked again except for when she'd handed in her transfer request. Two weeks later she was gone.

 

He looked at the woman again, letting his eyes trail from the top of her head down to the tips of her toes. There was no mistaking that shiny raven hair, those long legs accentuated by the denim cutoffs she was wearing and that beautifully pale skin. No, that was indeed Emily Prentiss sitting on a blanket just twenty or so long strides ahead of him. She was laughing happily. It was her laugh he had heard before. Why hadn't he realized. She sounded so different from the last time they'd spent together.

 

He couldn't will his legs to move, neither forwards nor back down the path he had come. So he slowly sank down onto one of the white park benches behind him. That way he was obstructed from her view by a large rose bush, but he could still see her.

 

Sitting there, gazing at her, he let his mind slowly wander back to that day almost five years ago.

 

***

 

**August 2010**

 

Forcefully yanking the door open Emily stormed into Hotch's office, raging fire burning in her brown eyes.

 

"That was completely uncalled for, Hotch!" She exclaimed after slamming the door shut behind her.

 

"Prentiss?" Hotch said, using her last name without really thinking about it.

 

"Oh! So it's Prentiss now, is it?" Emily huffed. "And then later tonight when you wanna get laid I'm back to being Emily?" She snapped. "You can't have it like that, Hotch."

 

"We have to be professional at work,  _Emily_." Hotch snapped back.

 

"Where lies the professionalism in calling me out after a foot chase just because I am a woman? Or maybe just because I'm your  _girlfriend_." Emily stared defiantly at him.

 

"You fell down a flight of stairs, Em!" Hotch exclaimed. "I was  _worried_." He got up from behind his desk and took a few steps towards her but she backed away.

 

"Both you, Morgan  _and_ Reid have been in worse accidents and neither of you have been reprimanded for not waiting." She pointed an accusing finger at him. "I had him Hotch!"

 

"No you didn't!" Hotch shouted back. "You're too reckless! You endangered yourself and others. I should suspend you."

 

"I'm not reckless and you know it!" She snapped back. "You just don't trust me!"

 

"Yes I do!"

 

"Then why don't you let me all the way in?" She shouted close to tears, before quickly turning around and hurrying out of his office.

 

Hotch just stood there looking at the door she'd left open. His heart wanted him to follow her but his feet didn't comply. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. So he just stood there rooted to the floor of his office and watched with tears pooling in his eyes as she grabbed her bag and left the bullpen.

 

***

 

**July 2015**

 

He leaned back against the hard bench, all of a sudden feeling very tired. Before him he saw Emily the day she'd walked into his office carrying a box full of her stuff. He was still married then, but he knew somewhere deep down that was when his feelings for her had started to grow.

 

It was different with their friendship. He didn't really know when that had started forming. He just knew that it was around the time when he'd separated from his wife and then got divorced. She came up to his office one day with two coffees and a shoulder for him to lean on. After that it just grew from there.

 

They used to have a lot of fun together. He never had fun like that anymore. He always had the best times and a lot of fun with his son but that was different. He just didn't have any friends his own age. He had his team. They were all very close, but not like the way he'd been with Emily.

 

Emily was the one who was there unconditionally for him after he was nearly stabbed to death by a psychopath. She never doubted him when others did. And again after that psychopath murdered the mother of his child. She was there.

 

Emily would take care of him in her own unique way. She would stay behind at the office more and more frequently. She would come up to his office just to have a chat. They'd have coffee, and sometimes something a lot stronger, together. He knew that she was doing it because she worried about him, but he never said anything.

 

Then that close friendship grew into something more. At least it did for him and he was pretty sure that it had done so for her too. A stolen look here. A slight touch on the far side of friendly there. But they kept dancing around each other. Avoiding the thick sexual tension between them for months. Kept it clean and at least somewhat professionally distant.

 

Until then one blistering hot July night when they were on a team night out. They were drinking and laughing and drinking some more. Emily even convinced him to dance with her. They'd both had a few too many drinks and in the middle of that dance floor, when they were dancing close together, something snapped between them. Maybe it was the heat that got to them. He had looked deep into her eyes and had seen only dark unadulterated lust.

 

They didn't even make it back to either of their apartments. She had dragged him or he had dragged her, he didn't remember, to a far corner in the bar and they'd slipped into the one of the restrooms in the back. And he had taken her there, against the wall. Raw and primitive. Not at all the kind of expression of his emotions that he had wanted. But that was what had happened.

 

They tried having a relationship beyond friendship after that. But to no real success. He loved her deeply and he knew in his heart that she loved him too. But for some reason, he didn't know why, maybe fear or doubt or just plain stupidity he never told her how he really felt. So they'd built their relationship on lust. And that's never really a solid ground to build something on.

 

Their whole relationship became filled with a silent uncertainty. Never completely sure of the other's feelings, but never able to disclose their own. He blamed himself for that. He held everything in and that made her doubt him and them. That made her keep to herself. He never stopped regretting not telling her how he really felt. If he had maybe their lives would have turned out differently. But back then he'd buried his feelings and now he had to live with the consequences.

 

Then came that day when it all had unraveled. It was still ringing clearly in his head. They'd been together a month and all that time, and probably years before that, he'd been pushing his feelings down. Until that one day when they'd just erupted like an awoken geyser.

 

He hadn't known what to say. He should have told her that he loved her. But he didn't. He'd just stood there and watched her walk away. Four years, ten months and five days ago.

 

The sound of another voice, a smaller voice, pulled him from the fog of the memory. He'd been so fixated on Emily before that he hadn't noticed that she wasn't alone. Running around on the soft grass in front of her was a tiny little girl. She wore a red frilly dress and had long raven hair that flowed in the wind. She was jumping up and down happily chanting "Mommy! Mommy! Look at me!" And when she smiled he could see the tiny dimples in her rosy cheeks.


	2. Look who's back!

Derek Morgan strutted along the catwalk above the BAU bullpen looking at the people scurrying around their desks. He flashed a pearly white grin at the newest buxom administrative assistant and laughed at Dr. Spencer Reid sitting cross legged on his desk chair absentmindedly swiveling around. He was having a good day.

He was almost at his destination, Dave Rossi's office to have a chat, when he glanced to his right through the glass doors and saw his day potentially taking a turn for the worse. Section Chief Erin Strauss was closing in on the bullpen. His first thought was to quickly run and hide.

But then he saw who was walking next to her and the sight made his perfectly groomed goatee drop humorously to the ground.

"Prentiss!" He exclaimed and Emily Prentiss, someone he hadn't seen in almost five years, turned around and gave him a wide smile and a wave. But she didn't stop or turn her steps towards him. She kept following Strauss.

Morgan figured quickly that they must be on their way to Hotch's office. Were they here for the reason he thought they were? Did this mean that their team would finally become complete again?

When Emily had left them very abruptly five years earlier Strauss had seen that as her chance to make some cuts in the budget and had never replaced her. Not that they had ever wanted her to be replaced. It had, considering the circumstances, worked out for the best. But it had been a strange time. They had continued on as a team, but they had felt like a person missing a vital limb. Maybe, he thought, they were becoming a whole person again.

They had never got an answer from Emily as to why she left so suddenly. He'd tried talking to her about it but she always managed to worm her way around his questions and after a while he gave up. The reason obviously made her uncomfortable and he didn't want to cause her any unnecessary pain.

But that did not mean that the team hadn't had their suspicions about her reasons for leaving. They had all agreed that it must have had something to do with Hotch. They had all seen the two of them growing closer over the years. And none of them had failed to notice that Hotch and Emily hardly were on speaking terms the weeks before she left. They had also seen Hotch's slumping shoulders and sad furrowed face after she left. At the beginning they had all talked about her during briefings, on the jet and at team nights out but when they noticed the pained expression on Hotch's face they had stopped doing that.

Hotch, of course, never said a word about it. He said that Emily left for personal reasons but never disclosed what those reasons were. And he said nothing about his part in it. He basically stopped talking about her all together.

So eventually Emily Prentiss became a thing of the past. He kept in touch with her, but they kept their conversations light and breezy and after a few years they became more and more sporadic. He knew that she still talked to JJ too. They'd kept in close contact over the years and he knew that JJ had even gone to visit her a few times. But she didn't tell them anything other than that Emily was doing well. He suspected that JJ was the one person who knew exactly why Emily had left. But he didn't want to pry. So he didn't ask.

But now Emily was back. For good, he hoped. He hoped that she would bring the stability back to the team. He hoped that they would be that close-knit family, that they had once been, again. Not that they weren't close anymore. They still were. But it just wasn't the same.

Hotch leaned back in his large desk chair. His eyes closed by their own will. He was exhausted and had hardly been able to even put a pen to a piece of paper during the two hours he'd been at the office. He hadn't slept at all the last few nights. His mind had been swimming with images of tiny raven haired girls with tiny dimples and their beautiful laughing mothers.

A firm knock shook his door. He jerked into an upright position and looked over at the door. The blinds were closed so he couldn't see who it was. But his guess was that he was about to receive a visit from the wicked witch herself.

Strauss had told him a few days ago that she would be bringing by a potential new team member. She had told him that she wanted his input on whether to assign this person to the team. But he knew Erin Strauss and he didn't trust her further than he could throw her. Had Strauss decided that this was their new team member, then this was their new team member.

He'd promised himself however to have an open mind and not remake any mistakes of the past.

"Come in." He said in his dark authoritative voice and the door knob turned. He got out of his chair as Erin Strauss entered the room. Behind her he saw dark hair and pale skin and his heart dropped, crashing into his stomach. Why had he not seen this coming?

"Agent Hotchner." Strauss said. "I am sure you remember Agent Prentiss." She tilted her head at Emily.

"Of course." Hotch said his voice polite and filled with a false calm. There was just a hint of the slightest wobble. He was sure that Emily noticed, she knew him inside and out. "It's great to see you again, Prentiss. How are you?" He said looking at her, trying to catch her eye.

"I'm fine, Hotch." Emily answered, but didn't look him in the eye. Her eyes were firmly fixed on the floor in front of her.

Not noticing the tension rising in the room Strauss continued. "I am sure, Agent Hotchner, that you have realized by now that Agent Prentiss is the new team member I'd like to assign to your team." She gave him an insincere smile. "Of course, if that is fine with you, Agent Hotchner."

"Yes, Ma'am, it is." Hotch answered. "It will be very beneficial for the team to have a member such as Agent Prentiss again." Hotch added with completely calm features. On the inside nothing was calm, his mind was spinning. It felt as if the walls were closing in on him and he couldn't breath.

He had come to terms with the fact that she wasn't coming back to him not much more than a year before. For the longest time he'd waited for her, a some points almost imagined hearing her voice behind him.

And here she was again. Standing in his office. As the newest member of his team. The team she had left five years ago. He'd dreamed of this moment more times than he could count but now that it was here it felt... uncomfortable. She wasn't looking at him and he had an inkling as to why. She didn't want to look the father of her daughter in the eye.

"Well..." Strauss interrupted his inner monologue. "I'll leave you two to catch up. You will officially be a part of the BAU again tomorrow, Agent Prentiss. Welcome back." She shook Emily's hand and turned with a nod at Hotch and left the room.

They just stood there in silence for several minutes. She looked out the window. He looked at the wall in front of him but kept sneaking glances at her. She was more beautiful than he remembered. She was almost five years older but she didn't seem to have aged a single day. She still had her bangs and her lips were just as full and red as he remembered. She was wearing a black simple pants suit that showed of her curves in a modest way. It was as if it were five years earlier. Except it wasn't.

"So..." He started, painfully dragging out the words and finally got her eyes on him. "Ehrm... You're back."

"I'm back." She answered tentatively.

"Is it okay if I ask why?" Hotch asked. She probably had her reasons but he really didn't have any right asking. No, he changed his mind, he did have the right to know one of those reasons.

"Of course, Hotch." She said giving him a small smile. The first smile she'd given him in a horribly long time. "I needed a change of environment and my heart never really left the BAU." She said looking down at her feet again. He didn't know how to interpret that. "Don't get me wrong I loved heading that unit in New York but this, the BAU, always was my passion. It pulled me back."

His heart sank a little deeper. Obviously she meant that her heart never left this office and this job. She hadn't meant him. He took a deep breath. He had to ask. She didn't know that he knew and apparently she wasn't intending on telling him. Not now anyway. And he needed so desperately to know.

"Emily..." He said pulling her attention back to his face. "I saw you by chance last Friday. In the park." He turned his dark gaze on her eyes and he saw the light bulb slowly becoming brighter above her head and her mouth formed a perfect circle. "I need to know. That little girl. Is she... Is she my daughter?"


	3. When it happened

Emily took a few short stumbling steps back. His question had pulled the rug, unceremoniously, out from under her feet. Maybe it shouldn't have. Maybe she should have expected it. This was Hotch after all. But she just hadn't seen it coming. She'd really thought that JJ was the only one on the team who knew about Gracie. Grace Anne Hotchner. Her and Hotch's beautiful little girl.

 

She had wanted to tell him so many times during the last four years. She'd written a mountain of letters and emails, but she'd never sent any of them. She'd picked up the phone and dialed the first few digits of his number countless times, but never got to that final fateful digit.

 

She'd never had the courage to go through with it. She had kicked herself hard many times for being such a coward. But that didn't change the fact that she was scared of what he would say. Of what he would do. Terrified of looking into those deep dark eyes, that had used to provide her with warmth and solace, and seeing only disappointment and anger.

 

When she first found out she was pregnant, a month after she had left him, she'd still been mad at him for letting her go and at herself for leaving without telling him how she really felt.

 

And she'd been sad. She had been certain that he didn't love her. That the only feelings he had for her were feelings of lust and perhaps of friendship. He'd never let her believe otherwise

 

Deep down in some tucked away corner she did suspect that he really had loved her. But she had never wanted to ask in case the answer wasn't the one she wanted. It was cowardly, yes. But it was self-preservation.

 

**September 2010**

 

Her hands shaking, Emily picked up her cell phone from the coffee table and dialed the only person she knew would understand. After a few rings her comfortingly familiar voice sounded at the other end.

 

"Agent Jareau." JJ answered, her voice sleepy and Emily cursed herself for not checking the time before she called.

 

"JJ." Emily said, her frazzled voice quickly acting as a cold shower for her friend.

 

"Emily?" JJ answered, her concern about the wobbly quality to her friend's voice evident immediately. They hadn't talked in almost two weeks and now Emily was calling late at night and sounding like she'd been crying. "Honey, what's wrong? Has something happened?"

 

There was a long paused. Emily took slow shaking breaths, trying to gather enough will to just spit it out.

 

"I'm pregnant." She whispered, afraid that if she said it too loud it would become even more real than it already was.

 

"What!" JJ asked, completely stunned. "Who..?" She couldn't even get the entire question out. She hadn't even known that Emily was dating anyone. She had just moved to New York and there hadn't been anyone she'd been seeing back in DC. Had there?

 

"Hotch." Emily said, her voice still barely above a whisper. "He's the father."

 

"What?" JJ exclaimed but quickly calmed herself down, her being shocked wouldn't help Emily who was obviously shocked and confused herself.

 

"We'd been seeing each other for about a month when I left." Emily explained quietly. "I'm about two months along."

 

"Are you still together?" JJ asked, hoping the answer wouldn't be the one she was expecting. "Then why did you leave?"

 

"Uhm..." Emily dragged out a slow breath. " _He_  was the reason I left." She said, inhaling deeply. "But JJ, I really don't want to get into that right now."

 

"It's okay, Em. I won't push you." JJ assured her. "We're on stand down for five days in a week. I'll come and visit you then and you can tell me everything."

 

"Thank you, JJ." Emily told her friend, immensely grateful that JJ didn't prod and poke.

 

"Just tell me this. Are you going to tell him?" JJ asked, Emily's voice was the smallest JJ had ever heard it and it worried her. But her mind also drifted to Hotch, he'd had enough bad things happen to him for this lifetime and the next. This might finally be a good thing, even considering the circumstances.

 

" _No_ , I can't do that to him!" Emily exclaimed, the volume of her voice finally rising. "I'd never want to burden him like that."

 

"You wouldn't be burdening him, Emily. He'd be thrilled." JJ tried telling her, but it fell on deaf ears. Apparently Emily had already made up her mind that she wasn't going to tell Hotch anything. And for all the wrong reasons.

 

"It hasn't even been a year since Haley died. He's still recovering and he's still adjusting to being a single dad. I can't dump this on him too." Emily said, sadness filling her voice. "I know he wouldn't back down from a responsibility and it would be like I trapped him. I can't do that to him. I can't do that to Jack. Bring someone into his life that would take his father away from him."

 

"Why do you think he'd feel trapped?" JJ asked, astonished that Emily would think something like that of Hotch. To her it was obvious that he adored the very ground Emily walked on. She didn't understand why Emily didn't see that.

 

"He doesn't love me." Emily sighed. "We'd only been together a month and it was rocky the whole time." She paused a second, choosing her words. "Our relationship was mainly about... sex." She said finally, bluntly.

 

"And that makes you think he doesn't love you?" JJ asked, not convinced by Emily's words. Hotch and Emily had been close friends up until a few weeks before she left. She couldn't ever imagine that either Hotch or Emily had entered into a relationship solely for physical reasons. It wasn't like them at all.

 

"He doesn't, JJ. Please don't tell him anything." She pleaded. "I can't do this to him."

 

"I won't tell him." JJ promised reluctantly. "But trust me Em. I am sure that this would only make him happy. He would love and cherish that little baby."

 

Emily knew that he would. But she feared that there also would be that little part of him that would regret ever being with her and their child would be a constant reminder. Maybe it'd be hidden somewhere deep within him where it'd be almost impossible to find, but at some point it would surface. And that would make him miserable. He'd hate himself for feeling something like that and she just couldn't do that to him. She wouldn't.

 

**July 2015**

 

Emily swallowed thickly. The memory of her frantic phone call to JJ almost brought tears to her eyes. She wished that the liaison had just dragged her back to Quantico that weekend when she had visited her in New York. When she still had time to make the right decision. A week after those two little lines had turned pink and changed her whole life forever.

 

If only she had told Hotch back then when she'd first found out. He might have got angry with her. He might have felt trapped. But she was sure that those feelings wouldn't have been half as bad as the hurt that he was feeling right now must be.

 

She'd spent several sleepless nights, after her decision to leave New York and go back to DC had been made, thinking about him. Dreaming about the perfect reunion, but all the while knowing that it was impossible. Dreading telling him the truth. She knew that she would have to tell him. She'd just thought that she'd get a chance to pick the moment to do it.

 

"Emily..." Hotch's voice, sounding so little like the normal stoic Agent Hotchner, dragged her back. "Please, I just need to know."

 

She pulled a deep breath, filling her lungs to the brim. " _Yes_." She whispered, looking into his uncharacteristically emotion filled eyes.

 

She knew she'd seen that tint of emotion coloring his eyes before. The day they had the big fight. The day she should have just backed down and not overreacted so damn hard.

 

He didn't say anything. He just took a few steps back as though someone had slapped him. And really wasn't that just what she'd done? Given him a figurative slap across the face.

 

He knocked against the front of his desk and he sank down on it absentmindedly. Scrubbing a hand over his deeply furrowed forehead he kept his eyes adverted from her.

 

This wasn't what she had imagined. Of course she knew that he wouldn't take it well. How could he? But she'd been on the other end of angry Hotch before and that was the reaction she'd expected. She'd expected him to be seething and shouting, boiling over. Not this. Not so defeated.

 

"Hotch?" She took a few steps towards him. "Please... Say something." She didn't know how to handle his silence. He kept his eyes adverted and his lips were pursed tightly together forming a thin line across his face. A face that she thought looked even harder than it used to.

 

She took a few more steps slowly closing in on him. She wasn't even sure if he was aware that she was still in the room or not. Just as she was reaching out to place a small hand on his broad shoulder his eyes flew open and he looked directly at her.

 

Emily stepped back, startled by his sudden movement. His eyes stayed on her this time but still no words left his lips. She looked deep into his sad brown eyes, willing him to talk to her. She'd even take a furiously shouting Hotch over what she was getting.

 

"Aaron." She said, using his given name for the first time in a very long while.

 

Hearing that name leave her lips jolted him back. He scrubbed his hand over his face again, the motion buying him another few seconds. He didn't want her to hear his unsteady voice. Finally breathing in deeply he looked Emily straight in the eye.

 

"What's her name?" He asked, his voice staying calm and not betraying him.

 

"Grace." Emily answered, breathing deep relief that he'd finally spoken. She gave him what she hoped he took as a warm smile. "Grace Anne Hotchner."


	4. Explaining the inexplicable

"Hotchner... Grace  _Hotchner_?" Hotch said, echoing Emily's words. Turning he drew his gaze away from her face again. He felt tears poking at his eyes and didn't dare to look at her. Looking at her might cause him to brake down, and Aaron Hotchner does not break down. He clenched his teeth tightly together.

 

"Yes." Emily whispered, her voice as calm as she could muster. "I've never lied about who Gracie's father is..."

 

"Except to me... her father." Hotch cut her off, his voice icy. He felt angry. But instead of his usual crashing rage, the kind of anger he thought he would feel, he felt it quietly burning, slowly scolding his insides.

 

"Right..." Emily said slowly, her voice breaking and tears pushing their way through her tear ducts. "I'm so sorry Aaron," she said, trying to grasp his hand, but her when her fingers grazed the back of his he flinched and pulled away as if he'd been burned.

 

"Don't," Hotch bit out. "Just tell me why. Why didn't you tell me? Why did you feel like you had the right to keep something like that,  _my daughter_ , from me for  _four_  years?"

 

"I... I..." Emily stuttered. She closed her eyes, large teardrops spilling over and felt her knees bend. She stumbled. Then a warm hand grasped her elbow and she felt herself being pulled forwards.

 

"Sit," Hotch said, a slight tint of warm compassion melting a little of the ice in his voice, and pulled on her elbow.

 

Emily sat. She took a deep breath, brushed away a stray tear and looked at Hotch sitting on the desk just a foot away. "I'm sorry," she said again. "I know nothing I say can ever forgive my actions, but maybe I can try to at least begin to explain them."

 

Hotch didn't say anything, he just nodded slowly, his eyes still not meeting hers. She drew a deep breath and continued.

 

"I was scared, Hotch," she said, looking at him even though he eluded her gaze. "I knew you'd never walk away from a responsibility and you wouldn't walk out on your child..."

 

"You're right. I wouldn't." Hotch said, turning his eyes back to hers. "If you knew that then why didn't you tell me? I had the right to know." His voice was cold again and it made her spine shiver.

 

"You did," Emily said. "But it wasn't even a year after... uhm...after Haley passed and you were still adjusting to that life. To being a single father to Jack. I couldn't have dropped that huge bomb on you too." Her voice was steady, but her insides felt like they were planning their escape.

 

"That was not your decision to make." Hotch said.

 

"I know." Emily answered. "I was being selfish."

 

"Yes you were."

 

"I know, I'm sorry." Tears were staining her cheeks and she was inwardly cursing her inability to compartmentalize this particular situation. "I was afraid of what you'd say. I was afraid of rejection. Our relationship wasn't a very stable one, Aaron." She took a deep breath. "But I was in love with you and I couldn't take you telling me that you weren't in love with me. It was selfish, I know!" The last few words came out in a sob and she felt her anger with herself rising. She knew she was still in love with him. Why couldn't she just get over him and move on?

 

Hotch looked at her and slowly felt her words melt through his skin. He wished that there were some way that he could tell her that he had been in love with her too. That he, on some level, still was very much in love with her. At the moment he could barely look at her. But deep down the flame was still flickering.

 

"I'm aware that our relationship wasn't perfect," he said, pretending that her declaration hadn't happened. "And I am prepared to own up to my part in making that relationship unstable. But..." He looked her in the eyes for the first time in several minutes. "But I wished you would have told me Emily."

 

"I know," she said sighing. She'd been able to will away the last remaining tears and the only evidence left of her break down were the thin traces of mascara on her cheeks. "So do I."

 

They stayed quiet for a few more minutes. Emily took a few deep breaths to regain what little was left of her composure. Hotch was once again lost in thought, his brow deeply furrowed.

 

"Uhm..." Emily got off the chair. "I'm going to go," she said. "I'll be back tomorrow to join the rest of the team." She paused, looking at him worried. "That is if you still want me on the team. I'll understand if you don't."

 

"I still want you on the team, Emily," Hotch said, shaking his head a bit. "You've always been an integral part of the success of this team and I will be able to put aside any differences and have a professional relationship."

 

Her heart sank at his word. "Thank you, Hotch," she said and turned towards the door. After a couple of steps she stopped and turned back around. Opening her purse she walked back to Hotch as she pulled out her wallet. Opening it, she took out a small photo and placed it on the desk in front of him. She didn't have the strength to touch his hands.

 

Hotch looked down and picked up the small photo. It showed a tiny raven haired girl sitting behind a huge chocolate cake with a dollop of frosting on her nose. She was grinning widely at the camera, probably at her mother. He felt his whole body grow warmer looking at her face. She looked like the perfect mix of her parents. She had her mother's sparkling brown eyes and full red lips. And she had his dimples and high cheekbones. She was perfect.

 

"It's from her fourth birthday." Emily broke his reverie. "On the 18th of May." She gave him a smile that he didn't see. He didn't look up from the photo.

 

As she turned and walked through his door he looked up and spoke quietly. "Thank you."

 

***

 

JJ flipped through the case file in her hand, sighed softly and flopped it back onto her desk to join the countless other case files on there. Just when she picked up her fifteenth file for the day a slight tap was heard at her door. "Come in," she said.

 

The door creaked open and a dark head poked through it. JJ felt the frown on her face slowly changing into a bright smile. "Emily!" she exclaimed as the rest of the woman came through the door. She sat down in the chair opposite JJ. "That's right, today is your first day back." She smiled at her friend.

 

"Technically tomorrow is my first official day back." Emily arched an eyebrow. "Today was just the 'turn Hotch's world upside down' day." She gave her a weak smile and JJ saw the faintest trace of mascara on one of Emily's cheeks. Had she been crying?

 

"What do you mean?" JJ said. "I thought you weren't telling him until later."

 

"He already knew," she told her softly.

 

"How? Emily, I promise I haven't..." JJ began, but Emily held up a hand and cut her off.

 

"I know, Jayje." She smiled. "He saw us a few days ago in the park. He asked me a direct question and I was never going to lie to him. I know what I did was wrong and he deserves to know her."

 

"How is Gracie?" JJ said, changing the subject slightly. She didn't want to pester Emily with questions about Hotch. They'd talked about it over and over again and it always had the same effect on Emily. It always made her cry. She hid the tears, but they were there.

 

"She's great." Emily's features softened at the mention of her daughter. "She's taking the move better than I am. She's already found a favorite swing in the park, a favorite tree and she has named at least twenty of the ducks in the pond."

 

JJ laughed. "Sounds like she's settling in just fine." She looked at Emily. "How about you? How are you doing?"

 

"It's a little overwhelming, being back." She turned away. "Seeing Hotch again. I had my doubts about coming back and I won't lie, I've been having trouble sleeping the last few weeks."

 

"But..." JJ pushed a little. She wanted Emily to say it out loud.

 

"But I knew I needed to get back to DC." Emily said, picking nervously at her nails. "Grace needs to know her dad and Hotch needs to know his daughter."

 

"And that's it?" JJ said, knowing that Emily probably wouldn't admit to anything more just yet. She, on the other hand, had talked a lot with Emily over the last few years and to her it was obvious that she was still deeply in love with Hotch and she suspected that had been one of the reasons Emily had accepted the offer to rejoin the BAU.

 

"That's it," Emily said. "I don't have a hidden agenda, if that's what you mean," she told JJ. At her friend's wide eyes she hastily added. "Sorry, Jayje. I guess I'm not doing as well as I would like to. But I shouldn't take that out on you." She reached across the desk and squeezed one of JJ's hands.

 

"Don't worry about it." JJ smiled at her. "Hey, why don't you and Grace come over for dinner tonight. We don't have any new cases so I'll be home at an okay time. And I'm sure that Will and Henry would love to meet little Gracie that they've heard so much about."

 

"We'd love to." Emily gave JJ a warm smile. "Thank you."

 


	5. Life's too short

David Rossi breathed a sigh of relief as he finally crossed the last t and dotted the last i in the very last case file for the day. The mountain of paperwork that had met him that morning was finally reduced to a molehill after several hours of hard work and he was ready to go home and enjoy a nice rare steak and a glass of Cabernet. As he stood to get his briefcase a curse slipped out when his cell phone started buzzing in his pocket.

 

Checking the name and the time on the display, he quietly wondered why he was getting a call at this hour. The person calling him had left, for once at a normal hour, almost three hours earlier. To go home, or that was at least what Rossi had thought he had done.

 

"Aaron?" he said, the eyebrow cocked in question evident in his tone. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

 

"I need a favor," Hotch said tersely, taking Rossi by surprise with the way he slurred a little over the words.

 

"Of course," Rossi said, wondering what was going to come next. "What do you need, Hotch?"

 

"A ride," Hotch said, a severe cold front lingering in his voice. When Rossi didn't respond he continued reluctantly. "I'm at a bar and I've had a bit too much to drink." He groaned, he'd actually had a lot too much to drink. "Just come and get me." He sighed.

 

"Where are you?"

 

"Some bar," Hotch said, growing impatient with the older man. "The one where we went for Garcia's birthday."

 

"I know which one you mean," Rossi told him, his mind conjuring up different scenarios behind him having to pick up a drunk Hotch. "I'll be there soon, don't go anywhere and Aaron... stop drinking."

 

He heard how Hotch growled and hung up. Then he tossed his cell in his brief case and took off towards the academy parking garage.

 

***

 

Emily glanced in the rear-view mirror, checking on Gracie sitting in her booster seat in the back of the dark sedan. She was looking intently out the window, watching the houses and trees flashing by.

 

"You okay, honey?" Emily asked her daughter.

 

"Yeah, Mommy," Grace said, not taking her eyes off the blurred pictures swirling by outside, her feet drumming against the seat.

 

Emily smiled. Her daughter loved speeding along the motorway. It was one of the many things she said made butterflies fly in her tummy. She certainly was a little dare devil. Which probably wasn't all that strange considering who her parents were. Emily sighed. That thought made a small burst of sadness poke at her heart.

 

The same sadness that had filled her heart every time, for the last four years, when she had noticed traits in Grace that reminded her of Hotch. She was just four years old but had a very strong sense of principles. And she had the best glare Emily had ever seen, even better than her father's. She could get any kid to give up the swing they were using just by looking at them. Emily had tried to explain to her that she shouldn't use her stare on other children, but the truth was that she loved her daughter's steely gaze so much she could never keep that conversation serious.

 

"Mommy?" Grace's voice filled the air again, nudging away her inner musings.

 

She looked in the rear-view mirror again and looked into Grace's eyes. She had tilted her head to the side, a sign Emily knew meant that she'd been thinking about something hard before speaking up. "What's the matter, sweetness?" She said, smiling at her daughter.

 

Grace took a deep breath, like she knew her mom did when preparing to say something important. "When are we going to meet Daddy?"

 

Emily startled. She had expected that the question would come, it had done so before. She hadn't told anyone yet, not even JJ, but the main reason behind her moving back to DC was that Grace had begun asking about her dad and she had known that she couldn't keep her from him any longer.

 

**April 2015**

 

Emily smiled as she watched Grace walking towards her with determined steps, her little face scrunched up, deep in thought. The last time her almost four year old daughter had come to her looking like that she had asked if she could have a guinea pig. A request that Emily had gently denied. She'd told Gracie that she was still too young to care for another little life. The tears that had followed had not been pretty, even though Emily had promised to consider it again when Grace was a bit older.

 

Well, that was three months ago and Grace was almost four, maybe she thought that she was old enough now and wanted to reopen the debate. So Emily braced herself as the little feet stopped a few inches from the armchair she was sitting in.

 

"Mommy?" she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

"Yes, sweetheart?" Emily bit her lip, Grace looked so much like Hotch.

 

"You know Taylor, from daycare." She looked up at Emily waiting for her to affirm that she knew who she was talking about. When she received a nod and a smile she continued, "Well you know, her mommy and daddy, they live together in the same house. Why don't we live with my daddy?"

 

Emily just sat there. For a good couple of minutes. She'd been expecting to have the guinea pig conversation again, not the daddy conversation. She had tried to explain the situation to Grace before, at least as well as she could. She wanted Grace to know that she had an amazing father, but because of some special circumstances, one of them being that they lived in different cities, they couldn't live together.

 

"Come here." She pulled Grace onto her lap and cuddled her close. "I told you, honey, remember," she said, her voice a bit shaky. "Daddy lives in another town than us."

 

"Can't we move to the same town as Daddy?" Grace said, her brow arched in delight at the simple solution. "Then we could see each other every day."

 

**July 2015**

 

That conversation had happened about two weeks after Emily had received an offer to return to the BAU. They had a new reworked budget and the Director wanted the teams to return to their original sizes. Since Emily had been with the team previously and was an experienced profiler, she got the offer to return. At first she'd been reluctant to do it, going back and facing Hotch scared her to the core. But in the back of her mind she knew she wanted to do it, for several reasons, and when Grace had asked about her dad Emily had known that she couldn't put off going back to DC and facing the reality any longer.

 

"Soon, honey," she said, managing a small smile. "We'll meet Daddy soon."

 

***

 

Rossi walked into the crowded bar, scanning the dusky room as he searched for Hotch. He didn't know what to expect. This wasn't the first time he'd had to come and pick up an inebriated friend at a bar, but it certainly was the first time he'd ever had to come and get Aaron Hotchner.

 

Spotting him sitting alone at a small table near the back he had to stop for a second. Had he not already spoken to Hotch and known that the man was not in a particularly good mood he would have thought he was looking at a fairly successful night out. However it was only eight o'clock in the evening and nothing good could have lead to the unit chief looking like this.

 

His eyes were red-rimmed, his suit jacket flung over the back of the seat, his hair messed up. Rossi grew worried. What in the world had caused Aaron to act like this?

 

He took the last few remaining steps up to the table and stood next to him. Hotch didn't notice him standing there. " _Uh-hrrm..._ " Rossi cleared his throat. Hotch flinched but didn't turn around, so Rossi took the seat next to him. He could see what was holding Hotch's attention captive. A photo. Hotch was clutching it tightly, so he couldn't really see what it was of.

 

"Aaron." He said, and finally Hotch tore his eyes away from the photo. "What's the matter?" he asked, eying the empty beer bottles and the drained tumbler on the table.

 

"This." Hotch said, shoving the photo at him.

 

Rossi took the photo and looked it over. The little girl in it looked to be about four or five with long dark hair and brown eyes. She was smiling widely, little dimples poking her cheeks. He raised an eyebrow. "Who is this, Aaron?"

 

"My daughter." Hotch told him, his lips barely moving making the words come out in a low hiss.

 

Rossi examined the picture again. "She's Emily's." He stated, simply, no real surprise to his tone. He'd seen enough in his days to pretty much stop being surprised by things.

 

Hotch nodded. "She is." He sighed. "How did you know?"

 

"Morgan told me that Emily is back," he said. "And there's really no question who this little girl's mother is."

 

"No, there isn't." Hotch ran a hand over his face. "And I'm her dad and Emily kept her from me for four years."

 

"So you decided to solve this problem by drinking a gallon of alcohol?"

 

"No." Hotch scowled at him. "I just wound up here and I thought I'd have a drink. Then I didn't feel like going home just yet so I had one more."

 

"And then another ten?"

 

"Oh, just shut up and drive me home." Hotch snapped, snatching the photo from the table and getting up. "Come on. Let's go." He said and started walking towards the exit, his legs wobbling a little.

 

Rossi followed closely behind, prepared to catch him should any alcohol infused dizziness set in. He'd parked just outside so there was no long walk in tensed silence or any trouble finding the car. They just walked side by side through the humid air to Rossi's Range Rover.

 

Watching Hotch fumble a little with the seat belt, but eventually managing to strap himself in, Rossi took a deep breath as he tried to choose his next words as wisely as possible.

 

"How did you find out?" He decided to tread carefully, he knew he could be a bulldozer at times and that usually gave him the results he wanted, but it probably wouldn't help him any here.

 

"I saw them in the park on Friday. You saw the picture, there's no way that little girl isn't mine so I asked her and she confirmed it."

 

Hotch looked down at his lap and Rossi feared for a second that he was going to get sick all over his expensive leather seats, but he just let out a deep breath and turned to look out the window.

 

"How are you feeling?" he asked, after several minutes of silence, where he had focused on his driving and Hotch had stared out the window. The answer was rather obvious, but he wanted Hotch to say it out loud. Nothing good would come from bottling up his hurt and anger.

 

"How do you think I am feeling?" Hotch said, lips curled in a snarl.

 

"I'd say not so good, judging from the alcohol fumes." Rossi said, in a vain attempt at lightening the thick tension inside the dark car. After a few more silent moments he continued. "You should forgive her," he said. "Life's too short for holding grudges, even when a person has done something like this..." He trailed off, not wanting to go into what Emily had done, they both knew it.

 

"Why should I forgive her?"

 

"Well, for one thing because you love her and for another, whatever the circumstances, you now share a child."

 

"What makes you say that I love her."

 

"Please Aaron, anyone with eyes have been able to see the love you have for her since the moment you first saw her."

 

"Well, I don't anymore." Hotch bit out and returned his full attention to the scenery flashing by outside the window.


	6. Thrown back in head first

Hotch pulled in a slow breath. He winced uncomfortably. Even that small action was making his head pound. His index and middle fingers rubbed slow circles against his temples in a vain attempt to still the grinding headache. Grabbing the glass of water standing on his desk, he downed the last of its contents in one large swig.

 

Scrubbing a hand over his face he felt yesterday's light stubble scratching his palm. Every other day he wouldn't have taken a step into the office without looking perfectly put together, but that morning he had just not been up to shaving. He hadn't really been up to anything. He'd just rolled out of bed, taken a shower – he drew the line at smelling even when horribly hung over – and he'd gone to work

 

He was very well aware that it had been completely irresponsible and careless of him to go on a bender, like the one he had been on, on a Monday night. Or at all, really. But he had needed to lose that little bit of control. Just for one night. He didn't know what he would have done otherwise. All he had wanted to do was to drive over to Emily's place and demand to see his daughter. He had wanted to scream and to shout. But his damned rational mind had cut in and stopped him. Of course he couldn't do that. So he had gone to a bar instead and he had got drunk, foolish as that may have been.

 

And for a brief moment he had managed to fill the hole inside of him, the hole that Emily had torn, with shots of scotch that had pleasantly warmed his insides. But after a while the scotch had drained and he was left with the same cold and empty feeling that he had begun with.

 

And the throbbing headache, he was now nursing, to add to that.

 

He squinted at the door, at the faint stream of light peeking into his otherwise dim office. He had the blinds pulled shut, the only other light in the room coming from a floor lamp in the far corner. The harsh florescent lights in the bullpen would be too much for his sensitive retinas. He groaned deeply as he heard a crash and a loud squeal coming from outside his door, he could keep out the light but not the merry sounds of the members on his team.

 

He could hear Garcia's chirping voice. Her exact words couldn't quite make it through his door but from the ones that did sneak inside he could tell that she was excitedly showering Emily with joyous greetings.

 

He sighed. He had to man up, he couldn't prolong this anymore and he definitely couldn't go out and get hammered again. He needed to talk to Emily. They had to come to some kind of agreement, find some common ground to stand on. He had promised her a professional relationship. That was the only relationship that he could promise her, but he needed so desperately to see his daughter and to be a part of her life.

 

He pushed his chair back and heaved himself out of it. Slow, dull steps took him to the door and a heavy hand turned the doorknob. He took a few steps forward and looked down at the women on his team who, together with Reid, were exchanging hugs and happy squeals with Emily.

 

He felt robbed. Had the circumstances surrounding her return been any different then he would have been down there too. Hugging her. Breathing in the flowery scent of her hair. But instead he was standing by himself, about to call her into his office to have a, what was sure to be awkward, talk about their daughter. The daughter he didn't even know he had until just one day ago. His head throbbed harder as he took the last few steps up to the railing.

 

"Prentiss!" His voice cut through the room. It was sharp and cold and it got the attention of every ear in the bullpen. Emily, who'd had her back turned against him, startled and whipped around. "My office, please." He said, his voice softening a little so that he wouldn't raise suspicion. To everyone else they were just a former supervisor and subordinate who had been reunited, and that was the way it was going to stay.

 

Walking through the door he hit the light switch, the light flickering on making his every cell flinch. Closing the door behind them he turned to look at her. She was standing in the middle of the room, studying him with caution in her pretty brown eyes. Against his will he felt guilty, he didn't want her to feel nervous every time they were in the same room. "Please sit," he said, forcing himself to keep his voice void of any emotion, as he made his way to sit down in his own chair.

 

"Emily," he said as he watched her take a seat in front of him. "I realize that we both are a bit...  _uncomfortable_... being alone together," he let his eyes rest carefully on her face, "but we need to talk about Grace."

 

Emily closed her eyes and her breath hitched in her throat as he said their daughter's name. A little flutter grazed her and for a brief moment she imagined herself and Grace happy together with Hotch. But she stopped herself. He was nothing but clear about his feelings. Being in the same room as her was making him uncomfortable. He wanted to have a relationship with his daughter. Not one with her.

 

She opened her eyes, Hotch was slowly examining her, waiting for her to say something. "Of course," she said. "whatever you want, Hotch."

 

"First of all I want to meet her, as soon as possible," he said. His was voice firm but gentle. It wasn't his intention to come off as harsh, but he didn't want to pad around the issue either. "Then I want some sort of custody arrangement."

 

Emily nodded. He could see the trepidation in the little worry wrinkle creasing her brow. Taking a deep breath, he continued. "I know you didn't do any of this to hurt me, Emily," he said. "I need to have a relationship with my daughter, but I don't want anyone to get hurt in the process. I'm sure we can work something out between the two of us."

 

Emily opened her mouth to respond but her words were cut off by a knock at the door. Turning she saw JJ peeking in with a stack of folders in her hands.

 

"Sorry," JJ said, looking nervously between them, making Hotch wonder just how much about the current situation she really knew. "There's a case," she said. "We'll probably have to leave as soon as possible."

 

"Get the others, JJ," Hotch said, "we'll be there in a few minutes."

 

JJ left, closing the door behind her, and Hotch turned back to Emily. "We'll continue this conversation when this case is over. Trust me Emily, I just want a relationship with my daughter, I don't want to hurt you. I won't take it to court."

 

Emily smiled at him. A small, guarded smile. She was relieved and immensely grateful that he was willing to work this out between the two of them, despite the fact that she had proven to be so untrustworthy.

 

***

 

Morgan arched an eyebrow at JJ as she walked through the door to the conference room. "Are they coming?" he said, tilting his head to look behind her back.

 

"They're on their way," JJ said, as she took her place by the whiteboard. "They just had to finish up some stuff."

 

"What stuff?" Morgan said, he had wondered what Hotch and Emily had been talking about behind closed doors.

 

"I don't know," JJ said, her tone slightly defensive. "Some bureaucratic paperwork stuff, I guess."

 

She didn't look at him, but she didn't have to, he knew that she was lying. There definitely was something more going on there. He hadn't had a chance to talk to Emily yet. Yesterday she just met with Strauss and Hotch and then she had left before he'd had a chance to even say hello. This morning she had been in Hotch's office when he'd got in. Garcia had told him that not even fifteen minutes after Emily had arrived, Hotch had summoned her. And he had apparently not looked too happy.

 

Something was off and he was going to find out what it was.

 

He didn't get any further in his planning because Hotch chose that moment to stride into the room, closely followed by Emily. He didn't stop to make any announcement regarding her return, he just took the file from the table and looked at JJ.

 

"What have we got, JJ?"

 

"Three women killed within six days and one missing since late last night in Charleston, South Carolina. Local PD is desperate for our help."

 

"We'll brief on the jet," Hotch said, beginning to make his way out of the room. "Wheels up in thirty."

 

He left, followed by Rossi, JJ and Reid all scrambling out to get their go bags and prepare themselves for another case. Emily, however, stayed seated and Morgan stopped next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. She flinched and he drew back his hand.

 

"Whoa, Em. What's the matter?" he said.

 

"Nothing," she turned and gave him a smile, "I just though you had left."

 

"I was just going to," he said. "You coming?

 

"Yeah, in a second. I just have to make a quick phone call first. You go ahead without me." She gave him another, slightly apologetic, smile.

 

"Alright." Morgan said, raising a brow in question. As he left Emily, sitting alone in the conference room, two questions filled his mind. One. Why was Emily acting so strange? Two. Did it have anything to do with her private conversation with Hotch this morning?

 

Actually, when he thought about it, he had one more question; Whatever it was, was it going to hurt the team?


	7. Baby steps

The hotel was one of the nicer ones they'd stayed at in quite some time. Wood paneled walls in the lobby and plush carpets in every room. The long corridor, leading up to their rooms, was lined with large panoramic windows giving a great view of the dark night sky. It was all picture perfect.

 

Hotch, however, didn't notice. He walked along the corridor intent on getting to his hotel room. He had stayed at the police station a little longer than the others, but after a while even he'd had to yield to fatigue and he'd had to finally admit that he wasn't doing any good by staying at the station all night. Now he just wanted to get to bed as soon as possible, so that he could get up bright and early to continue the chase.

 

The corridor was quiet, the other hotel guests either out or already in bed. He could hear his own footfalls against the soft carpet as he trod along. He stuck his hand in the pocket of his suit jacket, looking for the key card.

 

Then a sound flitted through the air, slowly pushing away the silence. It came from further down the hall, round a corner, and it sounded like softly spoken words. He stopped and listened intently. He recognized the voice almost immediately. It belonged to Emily.

 

He took a few more steps forward. Looking round the corner he could see her standing by one of the large windows, looking out at the twinkling lights. She had her cell phone pressed to her ear. Even though he couldn't see her face he could tell that she was tense, her taut shoulders rolled up in knots.

 

Seeing her like that he couldn't help how his mind traveled back in time to when he had been the only one with the powers to untie those knots.

 

**July 2010**

 

"Lie on your stomach," he said, his dimples poking through as he trailed a finger down her spine.

 

"What?" she said, turning and raising a well manicured brow at him.

 

"You're so tense that your shoulders are touching your ears," he said, chuckling, his voice deep and rumbling. "Let me help you with that." He let his fingers play over one of her shoulders, carefully molding them to her creamy skin.

 

Emily smiled and flopped on her stomach. There was no need for her to strip off any clothes, she was already naked. They had spent a lazy Saturday afternoon in bed together. Doing what they did best.

 

He straddled her, shifting his weight so that she would be comfortable. He ran his fingers over the silky skin on her bare back, feeling the taut muscles slowly yielding to his ministrations. As he pressed the heels of his hands against her shoulder blades she exhaled a deep satisfied breath.

 

He smirked. "Feels good?" he said, rolling the soft flesh under his large palms.

 

" _Mmmhmm_." She purred and it made him laugh. The cool and collected Agent Prentiss, slowly melting into a satisfied puddled under his hands, that was indeed a sight for the gods.

 

He took his time, slowly erasing every little kink. His hands caressed every inch of her smooth back, gliding from her shoulders down to the curve of her hip, kneading her muscles. Bending down he placed soft kisses on her back. One on each shoulder blade and a heated trail along her spine. Turning and wrapping her arms around him, Emily pulled him close and captured his lips with hers in a kiss filled to the brim with passion.

 

**July 2015**

 

Hotch shook his head. He couldn't let his mind wander down that path. It was a dark and treacherous road and it would only lead to difficult situations. Where someone would get hurt. He turned to walk away, back to his room to take a cold shower, he didn't want to eavesdrop on her private conversation. But then a few of her words caught his attention.

 

"It's alright, Gracie honey. Mommy will be back home soon," he heard her say and he froze to the ground. He listened to her soft voice reassuring her,  _their_ , daughter. Her tone was one he'd never heard her use before. It was warm and soft and he realized how much he loved listening to it. A small smile ghosted across his lips as he listened to Emily's side of the conversation.

 

"You did?" she said and he could hear the smile in her voice. "You went on the highest slide?" She laughed a little and he felt a stab of pain that he couldn't hear what Grace had told her. "I am so proud of you, honey."

 

He kept listening. After a few minutes he could hear Emily's voice shifting. She stopped laughing and the smile started to sound forced.

 

"Hopefully in just a couple of days, honey." She sounded solemn and he knew that Grace had asked once more when Emily was coming home. He knew because he'd had that conversation with Jack so many times and every single one of those times had broken his heart a little bit. And now Emily was going through it and she was going through it alone.

 

But that wasn't his fault, he reminded himself. He would have gladly had all those talks with Grace, if Emily would have just let him. Now that was changing. He was going to be just as involved in Grace's life as he was in Jack's. Whether Emily would let him or not. Nothing would be able stop him.

 

"Good night, sweetness. I'll talk to you tomorrow," Emily said, hanging up the phone. He turned around, to walk away. He didn't want her to know that he'd been listening in. He took a careful step but was stopped by her voice behind him.

 

"Aaron?"

 

He could hear her voice shake and how she sniffled a little and he turned around. "Sorry," he said, giving her a small smile. "I wasn't eavesdropping. I heard you say her name and I just couldn't leave."

 

"It's fine," Emily said, trying to wipe away the tears, slowly making their way down her cheek, as discreetly as possible. "She's your daughter too. You have every right to know what we were talking about."

 

"She's wondering when you're coming home," he stated.

 

"Yeah," Emily said, making another unsuccessful attempt at wiping away an escaped tear without him noticing. "I've never been away from her for longer twelve hours before."

 

"It'll get easier," he said, reaching out a tentative hand and trailing his fingers along her upper arm.

 

Emily glanced down at the hand lingering on her arm and she couldn't hold back the tears. It was all just too much. She'd been away from Grace for sixteen hours and she was starting to struggle. She glanced up at Hotch under tear-stained lashes. He had been away from Grace for four years. Big wet tears welled up in her eyes.

 

"Em," Hotch said, rubbing her arm slowly, "don't cry." Seeing her being so vulnerable made him push away any hard feelings he might have towards her. Despite everything that had happened he still felt an automatic urge to protect her. The things that she had done should have erased all those feelings, but he knew that it hadn't, it had just pushed them deeper inside him. This just made him realize that at times they would float to the surface.

 

"Come," he said, grabbing her arm and gently tugging her along "let's go somewhere and talk for a while. Are you okay with going to my room?"

 

She smiled and nodded, allowing him to pull her with him towards his room a few feet away. Standing silently behind him, she watched as he fished the key out of his pocket and opened the door. She glanced around the room and smiled at all the familiarities. He'd hung the clothes bag with his suits on the wardrobe door, his extra pair of shoes were standing by the door and she knew that if she checked in the bathroom his shaving kit, soap and toothbrush would all be lined up on the sink. It made her smile through the last few straggling tears. At least that hadn't changed in the last five years.

 

He took a seat in one of the chairs and she followed, slowly sinking onto to the cushioned seat. Noticing that their knees were close enough to touch, she shifted nervously, drawing away from him. She looked at her hands, she didn't know what to say.

 

"Tell me something about her," Hotch said, breaking the silence.

 

"What?" Emily looked up at him.

 

"Tell me something about Grace."

 

Emily thought for a moment, thinking about what Hotch would want to hear about.  _Everything, Emily._ She chastised herself.

 

"She's incredibly strong-willed," she finally said, smiling as she could see Grace's glare in front of her. "But I guess that's not so surprising." She looked at him, a little crease appeared between his brows and his lips pursed together. Her small smile failed as she realized just what words she had used. "Sorry," she said. "I don't know why I said it like that."

 

"Don't, Em," he said. Not because he didn't think she needed to apologize, but because he didn't want to hear it. He just wanted her to tell him something about his daughter. "Just go on," he prompted.

 

Emily drew a breath, she tried focusing on telling her story about Grace rather than who she was telling it to. She didn't look at him when she continued. "She's just so determined," she said. "She wasn't even a year when she took her first steps."

 

Her lips tilted in a smile and Hotch could feel a tear prickling his eyes. He pushed it back and continued watching Emily. Her eyes shone as she told him about the time their daughter took her first few steps.

 

"The determination in her eyes when she pulled herself up and toddled those few steps, it was just so heart warming." She looked up and let her eyes linger on Hotch's. "I could tell how annoyed she would get when she tumbled over the times before she managed to do it for the first time." She chuckled. Their little girl was nothing if not headstrong.

 

She could see the longing look lingering in his eyes and she wanted to kick herself hard. "I have it on film," she said. "I was lucky enough to have the camera ready, so I managed to catch most of it."

 

"You did?" His eyes lit up a bit.

 

"Yeah, I have lots of DVD:s of her," she said, smiling a little at him. "If we're back by Sunday, maybe you could come by to pick up some of them."

 

"And to meet Grace," he said, sounding almost nervous. Maybe she hadn't meant that.

 

"Yes," Emily said, smiling wider, "and to meet Grace."


	8. After four long years

Emily looked at Grace across the table and smiled at the enthusiasm with which her daughter was eating her breakfast Cheerios. Her way of eating definitely came from her mother. Hotch was a neat freak in everything he did, he would never spill a single drop. Emily on the other hand had a looser interpretation of table manners, most likely because of the pressure she had been under, during her own childhood. to always be perfect. She didn't mind if a little milk sloshed outside of the bowl.

 

She glanced at the clock, she knew he would be there in just a few hours. They had got back from South Carolina two days earlier but she had decided to wait to tell Grace about who was coming to see them until just a few hours before he would actually be there. She didn't want her daughter thinking too much about it or maybe even worrying about it. She just wanted their first meeting to go as smoothly as possible. She just hoped that Hotch would be ready for the emotional roller coaster it was sure to be.

 

"Are you done, sweetness?" she said, looking at Grace who had placed her spoon in her empty bowl. "Could you please put the bowl and spoon in the sink and then come back here. I need to talk to you about something." She smiled at Grace who nodded vigorously, skipped off the chair and ran across the floor to plop the bowl in the sink.

 

Grace climbed back onto her chair and looked at Emily, her eyes shining with anticipation. "Done, Mommy," she said. "Is it a secret? The thing you want to tell me?" She bounced a little on her seat, curiosity making it impossible for her to sit still.

 

"No, honey," Emily smiled "this isn't a secret." She chuckled a little at Grace's obvious disappointment that she wasn't going to be let in on some sensational secret. "But it's still something very exciting."

 

Grace's pout turned back upwards and her dimples reappeared. "Tell me!" she giggled.

 

"Today a very special person is coming to see us. He's coming to see you especially." She smiled at her and reached out to place her hand on Grace's tiny one on the table. She took a deep breath. "Gracie, today your daddy is coming here to see you." She waited, watching Grace's face as she took in what her mother had told her.

 

Emily's heart dropped as Grace hopped off her chair again and several thoughts had time to flit across her mind as she watched Grace dart across the living room floor towards the staircase. "Grace!" she called, getting up from her own chair and running over to her. Grace stopped and turned around. "What's the matter, honey?" Emily asked wrapping her arms around her.

 

"Nothing, Mommy," Grace said, squirming to get free of her mother's grip. "I'm just very busy right now." She crossed her arms over her chest and looked pointedly at Emily. "I have to go and decide which toys we are going to play with." With that she turned and scurried up the stairs leaving Emily looking after her with wide eyes and a slowly growing smile.

 

***

 

Hotch glanced up at the red traffic light and then down at his wristwatch, his eyes following the seconds hand. He didn't know if it was his mind playing tricks on him, but it felt like every traffic light so far had been glaring red longer than they usually would. Mocking him with their painfully slow speed. He knew he was much more likely to be at Emily's ten minutes early than ten minutes late, but he could still feel every single nerve ending twitch and his heart thump.

 

Doubt started creeping over him. What if she didn't like him? What if she was reluctant to get to know him because he had been away from her for so long? She was too young to understand that he had unwillingly been kept in the dark about her existence. He felt a new wave of anger towards Emily rolling over him. What if his child wouldn't want to know him because he had been absent her whole life? What if she thought that it was all his fault?

 

The light switched and he gently pressed the gas pedal down. His knuckles tightened further round the steering wheel as he closed in on Emily's street. Her apartment complex rose before him and his breathing became more erratic, spilling out in shallow huffs, as he made the final right turn.

 

Pulling up into a free parking space and putting the car in park he felt little beads of nervous sweat trickling down his hairline. He leaned back, stretching across the backrest to grab a bag from the backseat. He hadn't wanted to show up empty handed. So he had spent the entire Saturday roaming around the mall, something he'd normally place just below shooting himself in the foot on a list of things he would willingly do, searching for a gift for Grace. Finally, after a long day of not really knowing what to get her, he had found a teddy bear similar to one that he had given Jack when he was newborn.

 

Jack's had been dark brown with a little red necktie. He had found it in a shop at the San Antonio airport going back from a case a couple of months after Jack was born and he had thought that it looked cute. He'd actually been a little worried at first that he had found a teddy bear cute, but then he had imagined the bear cradled in his son's arms and he'd just had to get it.

 

The teddy bear he had found for Grace was light brown and had a purple velvet bow tied around its neck. He thought it was sufficiently girly without be too much so. Even though Emily was very feminine she wasn't a girly girl at all, so he figured that Grace wouldn't be either. He took the purple gift bag and climbed out of the sedan.

 

Walking along the paved walkway towards the entrance he glanced up at what he knew was Emily's window. She had told him that she had sub-let her condo while living in New York. So he was on his way to a place he was  _intimately_  familiar with. Still his legs were shaking as he made his way through the glass door. Even the doorman and the music in the elevator seemed to be the same as five years earlier.

 

He pressed the doorbell gingerly. He could hear Emily's voice from inside and steps coming closer and his heart threatened to thud through his chest. He had never been so nervous before in his life. The lock turned and the door was slowly pushed open. He was met by Emily's face, her pretty eyes smiling warmly at him.

 

"Come in," she said, opening the door wider. He took a few steps inside, his eyes sweeping across the room. "We've been expecting you." She smiled and stepped to the side.

 

Hotch looked down, his dark eyes met two equally dark looking up at him. In that moment he felt every emotion flowing unceremoniously through him. Happiness. Fear. Love. Tears were threatening to break through his barrier. But he drew a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. He didn't want to frighten her. He looked at his little girl and he smiled.

 

Grace stared at Hotch. Her mouth hanging slightly open and one hand pulling at the hem of her pink t-shirt. Emily stepped closer and Grace let go of her own t-shirt to cling to her mother's pant leg instead. She was still eying Hotch a little hesitantly, but a spark of curiosity glittered in her brown eyes.

 

Emily smiled, looking from Grace to Hotch. "I guess she's a little S H Y." she gave him a tilted smile.

 

Hotch crouched down, wanting to be on eye level with Grace. "Hi," he said, giving her a warm smile. "I'm Aaron," he said, introducing himself. He had thought about introducing himself as 'Dad' but he wanted Grace to decide for herself what she wanted to call him. Even though he so desperately wanted to hear her call him Dad, this was really all about her.

 

Grace smiled a small smile at him, her hand still digging into Emily's jeans. Hotch smiled back, his lips curling upwards and his dimples denting his cheeks, making Grace giggle. "Your cheeks get the same holes in them as mine when you smile," she said, letting go of Emily's pants and taking a step closer to examine Hotch's face.

 

"Yes they do." Hotch laughed back, watching as his daughter edged her way closer, the shyness seemingly fading away. "I got something for you," he said and pulled out the purple gift bag holding the teddy bear.

 

"You do?" Grace smiled and stepped closer. "What've you got?" she said, leaning closer and trying to peak into the bag.

 

Hotch held out the bag for her. "Here, have a look." He smiled as her eyes sparkled and she reverently took the proffered shiny purple bag.

 

She stuck her hand inside it and pulled out the bear. Grinning widely she gave it a hug and then she looked at Hotch. "You know," she said, fingering the purple bow "purple is my favorite color."

 

"It is?" Hotch said, smiling when Grace nodded her head. "That makes me happy," he said, reaching out a hand to slowly brush his fingers against her soft black hair, smiling when she didn't move away from his touch.

 

Still holding the bear by its paw, Grace looked up at Hotch again, tilting her head to the side and crossing her thin arms across her chest. Slowly she trailed her eyes along him, sizing him up. "Come," she said, grabbing his wrist "Let's play with my Little Mermaid dolls." She tugged him further into the apartment, towards the couch where she had laid out her dolls. "You can be Prince Eric."

 

She let him go and ran to the couch, bouncing up onto it and grabbing the dolls. Emily gently grabbed Hotch by the elbow and tugged him closer. "Usually she never lets anyone play with her Little Mermaid dolls." She gave him a soft smile and let go of his elbow.

 

Grace sat on the couch, her legs dangling a little impatiently over the edge. In one hand she held Ariel and in the other Prince Eric. Hotch sat down next to her and she handed him his doll. Turning towards him she held out her doll, making it walk across the couch. "Prince Eric," she said in a high pitched ladylike voice, "come with me, we need to go to the store."

 

"Alright," Hotch said, making his voice deeper than usual and letting his doll walk up next to Grace's. "What do we need to buy?"

 

Emily smiled, watching Grace and Hotch from a few feet away, she had taken a few steps back to give them some privacy. She felt a few tears wetting her cheeks and she ran a hand across her face. Stoic SSA Aaron Hotchner was making voices and playing with barbie dolls with his daughter. Again she felt contempt towards herself, that she had kept him from this.

 

"You know," Grace said, pulling Emily from her thoughts and turning her full attention back to Hotch and their daughter. Grace looked at Hotch, a slight frown lingering across her brow. "You're my daddy."

 

"Yes, I am." Hotch said.

 

"Before we didn't live in the same town as you." Grace continued looking at him, tilting her head to the side. "But now my mommy and me, we have moved here. So now we can see each other every day."

 

"Yes, we can." Hotch said smiling back.


	9. A turn for the worse

Hotch leaned into the backrest of Emily's soft plushy sofa, watching his daughter who was sitting riveted watching the Disney movie playing on the television. He couldn't believe how utterly relaxed he felt. Grace sat less than a feet away, leaning against the armrest, her head lolling gently to the side and her new teddy bear snuggled securely in her arms.

 

The first few hours of Hotch's visit had been spent playing. First they had played out every single everyday activity Grace could think of with the Little Mermaid dolls. Shopping, cleaning, having coffee, going to the park. Everything narrated by Grace's 'ladylike' squeaky voice and Hotch's deeper-than-usual baritone.

 

After a quick lunch, where both he and Emily fortunately had been able to focus on Grace instead of each other, they had played shop for at least a good hour. He had been given the role of shopkeeper and Grace had been the inquisitive customer. After that they had both crashed in front of the TV.

 

He had never before thought that much about how young children could turn the most uneventful things into fun games. Jack's first few years had unfortunately been rather tumultuous and his games had rarely revolved around everyday life. Most of the time he had drifted towards his action figures and hero fantasies. Grace on the other hand had been kept from that and was contented playing shop with her barbie dolls.

 

 

For a brief moment a thought that chilled him was allowed to cross his mind. What if that was why Emily had kept Grace from him? She just didn't want her child near the chaos that had been his life for the most-part of the last ten years. He shuddered. Maybe she was right.

 

He felt something brush against his arm, pulling him from the inner monologue that was starting to become painful. He looked down and saw that Grace had dozed off, her head dropping down to rest in the crook of his arm. One arm was still around the bear, the other resting under her chin.

 

He smiled at her, contentment tilting the corners of his mouth. He could feel his heart swelling and a comfortable warmth spreading through him. Carefully, so not to wake her, he brushed a hand over her head. Any self-deprecating thought he might have been entertaining a minute earlier had now disappeared. He might not be perfect, he might even be far from perfect, but he still had every right to know his daughter.

 

"Hey," Emily whispered as she came up next to him, carrying a large box, "I see one of you has fallen asleep." She smiled, placing the box on the coffee table.

 

"Yeah," Hotch said "I guess it was a lot of excitement for one morning."

 

"Mmhmm. She had lots of fun though." Emily sat down next to him. She couldn't avoid noticing the thick tension that was all of a sudden lacing the room and she wondered what could have happened during the short time she had been away to collect the DVD:s and photo albums.

 

"She'll probably be out for about an hour," she told Hotch, who was running his hand softly down Grace's arm. "Why don't you carry her to her room."

 

"Alright," Hotch said, slowly getting up, one hand still under Grace's head. He bent down and carefully picked her up. She whimpered a little but she didn't wake up. "Where is her room?"

 

"I converted the old guest room, so it's up the stairs and then the second door to your left," Emily told him.

 

Hotch nodded, he remembered. He'd stayed in that guest room one night after they'd had a big argument. Or actually it had just been half a night. They had made up at around two in the morning when neither of them could get any sleep without the other.

 

He took each step carefully, then softly nudged the door open with his foot. He almost didn't want to let go of her, she was snuggled so comfortably against his chest. But she needed her rest and he needed to talk some things through with Emily. So he gently placed her on top of the purple comforter and pulled a blanket over her shoulders, making sure that the bear was tucked closely against her.

 

Smiling he pressed a kiss to her forehead and whispered "Sweet dreams, my little darling. Daddy loves you."

 

***

 

Emily was flipping through one of the photo albums, looking at pictures from Grace's third birthday, when she heard Hotch coming down the stairs. She looked up, giving him a slight smile. "Find everything okay?"

 

"I did," he said tersely, without returning the smile, "it's not like I haven't been here before, Emily."

 

"No." She blushed, turning her eyes back to the album in her lap. "Of course not." She took a deep breath and looked back up at Hotch. "These are all the DVD:s and photo albums I have," she said, pushing the box closer to him.

 

"Thanks," he said, his voice flat.

 

Silence filled the room. Emily once again returned her attention to the open album in her lap while Hotch examined the contents of the box, pulling out one of the DVD:s. He looked at the cover, ' _Grace's fourth birthday_ ' was written on it in Emily's neat handwriting. He sighed. "Emily," he said, his voice softer as he thought of Grace, "these last few hours have been great. I really want to be able to do this every week."

 

"Of course, Hotch," Emily said, placing the album back into the box. "Maybe we could set Saturdays or Sundays as your day."

 

"I'd really like that," he said. "I want Grace to be completely comfortable," he continued "so if it's okay with you, I could come here for the first few weeks and just spend time with her so that she can get to know me. But later maybe she could come over to my apartment and spend some time with Jack."

 

Emily smiled. "I am sure she would like that." She hesitated a little, not wanting to impose. Worried that she had no right to ask the question. "Have you told Jack yet?"

 

"No, neither him nor Jessica," he admitted. "I just don't know how they will take it."

 

"I'm sure that they will be happy for you." she said, relieved that he didn't take her asking the wrong way. "If you are happy, then they will be too."

 

"I hope so," he said, a slightly distant look crossing his eyes as he fell silent again.

 

A few minutes trickled by in silence, making Emily wonder if they were going to sit quiet together until Grace woke up.

 

"We should tell the team," he said, suddenly, catching Emily off guard. "I don't want to hide that I have a daughter from my team mates, from my friends. I want to be able to show pictures and brag. They're your friends too. Don't you want to be able to tell them?"

 

"I do," Emily said, dragging the words a little.

 

"You're so close to especially JJ and Garcia. It must be a relief to finally be able to tell them."

 

Emily didn't answer, she turned away. She didn't know how to tell him that JJ already knew. That JJ had known the whole time that he hadn't. She was going to hurt him all over again. The thought that she could just not tell him quickly grazed her mind. But she couldn't do that. She didn't want to lie to him anymore. She'd done enough of that.

 

"Emily," Hotch said, "what's the matter?"

 

She drew a deep breath, steeling herself. "I freaked out when I found out I was pregnant," she told him bluntly, wanting to be as candid as possible. "I needed to tell someone and the first person, no." she paused "the second person," she corrected herself "I thought of was JJ."

 

"So, JJ knows." Hotch stated, cutting her off.

 

"She does," Emily said. "Please don't be angry with her. She wanted me to tell you. I made her promise not to tell you herself."

 

"I don't care about JJ," he said, sharply, biting out the words. "This is all on you. I can't believe that you told someone else, one of my friends, and not me."

 

His eyes were wild. Dark. Shining with hurt. This was the reaction she had been expecting before. The one that hadn't come when she had first told him. Maybe it was all catching up to him now. She eyed him carefully, silently, trying to ignore the tears wanting to creep through and spill over.

 

"I thought you had been keeping it all to yourself. I thought you had been struggling alone. I..." He didn't finish the sentence. He got up from the sofa, pacing a length of the room. He stopped. Abruptly. Standing in front of her, making her jump. He bent down and grabbed the box. "I'm going to leave now. I do not want Grace seeing me angry and I don't know if I can calm down. Give her a kiss from me and tell her that I had a great time and that I love her and I'll see her soon." He turned and left. Without waiting for any response from Emily.

 

***

 

He took every corner with silent fury, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles whitened. He knew he had done the right thing, leaving when he did. The last few days a bit of his anger towards Emily had started to fade away. Now he felt it all flare up inside him again. It wasn't that she had told JJ. He actually understood why she had told JJ.

 

It was that she hadn't told him. It was that he had, even for just a second, doubted whether she had really done the right thing or not. It was that he had a four year old daughter and today was the first time he met her.

 

When he kicked the front door shut behind him and chucked the box of DVD:s and photo albums on the dining room table some of his anger had subsided. He was still furious. He just no longer felt like hurtling a glass through the window.

 

He picked up one of the photo albums with a defeated sigh and sank down onto the couch. He hoped that looking at photos of Grace would calm him down, he didn't want his anger to override the joy spending time with his little girl had given him.

 

Leaning back he pulled in a lung full of dry air. He opened the album. The first photo his eyes met was of a tiny baby lying in a carrier, wrapped in a pink blanket, sleeping soundly. Under the photo Emily had written ' _Grace's first day home_ '. He looked at the photo again, studying it closer. She couldn't be much more than a few days old in it.

 

To his huge relief he felt himself growing calmer and warmer as he flipped to the next photo. Grace lying in her crib, dressed in an FBI onesie. He chuckled a little at her chubby little arms obviously flaying around impatiently.

 

He flipped to the next page, and the next, wanting to look at every single photo in the album at once. As he turned a page he accidentally tipped the album over and a photo fell out. Bending down he reached a hand out to pick it up off the floor. He turned it over and felt his breath catch in his throat.

 

It must have got in with the other photos by mistake. His eyes trailed over the glossy surface. Taking in Emily's pretty face. He knew she didn't like to have her picture taken so someone must have surprised her. She wasn't smiling, but her eyes were sparkling brightly. She was glowing, her hand rested peacefully on her baby bump.

 

He put the photo back on the table. He didn't really know what to do with it. A part of him wanted to rip it to shreds. But another wanted to do nothing but stare at it. Trail the silhouette of her protruding belly, encasing his child. He sighed, slowly picking up the photo off of the coffee table, as he reluctantly let that part of him win.

 


	10. A half-good, half-bad secret

Her night had passed in a daze of fitful, broken sleep. All through the night Hotch's cold voice had been humming in the back of her mind. His words echoing loudly, keeping away any silence. Every time she had closed her eyes she had see his hurt and angry face. All she wanted to do when she saw his face, those eyes, was to cry. But she pulled herself together. She had to. For her daughter.

 

Seeing Grace's cheerful face in the morning had made most of the dark thoughts go away. Grace always cheered her up. She had been her usual chipper self, she was a morning person no doubt about it. Much like her father. Emily couldn't help but smile when she saw her daughter skipping down the steps one hand clutching the bear her daddy had given her and with a big grin brightening her face.

 

Grace had chattered all through the busy Monday morning about her daddy. She hadn't been upset at all that he'd had to leave the day before. All she had wanted to know was when he was coming to see her again. Emily had hugged her and told her that he was coming to see her again very soon. That nothing could keep him away.

 

Grace was very impressed with her father. She thought that he was really big and tall and she found it very funny that he had the same color eyes and hair as she did. And she thought he was really good at playing. She was especially impressed with his excellent shop playing abilities. She had, very seriously, told Emily that she was no longer the best at playing shop. Her daddy was.

 

That had almost brought the tears back to Emily's eyes. Grace was so happy to get to spend time and play with her daddy. And Emily had seen the way Hotch's eyes had lit up when he looked at Grace.

 

She took a deep breath, forcing away any tear that might want to appear. Hotch and Grace could have had that for four years. And she was the one and only reason that they hadn't had that.

 

But she couldn't change the past. She could only hope for a better future. Pulling her brave mask back on she smiled as Grace quickly skipped from one subject to the other, as she sat in the backseat of the car. From the sunny weather, to the park, to the hamster named Fluffy that they took care of at her daycare. Her pure enthusiasm was enough to put a small smile back on Emily's lips.

 

As they got to the daycare center Emily hugged and kissed her daughter goodbye and waved to her and smiled as she scuttled cheerily to her friends. When she was back in the car, making her way towards Quantico, she could feel the tears slowly trickling back and there wasn't a thing she could do to stop them.

 

***

 

Hotch let his fingers trail along the top drawer on his desk, tempted for a split second to open it and retrieve what he had hidden inside it. That photo. The photo he didn't want to see but couldn't keep his eyes away from. The image was haunting him. Swirling around inside his head. Glaring at him when he closed his eyes. For some reason he was incapable of letting go of it.

 

Looking at that photo just made everything that he had missed out on all that more obvious. Though not in the way that looking at a photo of Grace or seeing her for the first time made him think about what he had missed out on with her. This made him think of everything he had missed with Emily.

 

From the moment that photo had fallen out of the album it had taken up residence inside his mind. His dreams had been filled with images of a beautiful pregnant Emily. When he woke up, after only a few shorts hours of uncomfortable sleep, he had felt something stirring inside him, a strange longing.

 

He couldn't forget that photo. He had tried ignoring it. He had put it back inside the album. He had put the album away. But to no avail. Against all better judgment that resided within him he had spent the last twenty minutes staring at that damned photo. Letting his mind run away from him. Imagining what she must have been like. When she was pregnant. All the things he had missed. He knew that a part of him still wanted Emily. But he also knew that they could never go back to what they had once had.

 

He glanced down at the closed drawer one more time before getting up. He walked over to the window, pulling the blinds apart so that he could look down into the bullpen. It was empty except for Emily standing by her desk flipping through some papers. He sighed. Things weren't good between them. But he couldn't just avoid her. They were still part of a team and now they had to tell everything to the rest of that team.

 

"Emily," he said, noticing how his voice made her shoulders stiffen, as he walked down the staircase.

 

"Hotch." She spun around. "Uhm... what's up?"

 

"Emily," he started, deciding that going straight to the point would be the best. "I really want you to tell the team about Grace after the briefing. I don't think we should wait any longer. But," he drew a breath "you're her mother, so I will leave it up to you." Then he left her for the second time in less than twenty-four hours without waiting for any response.

 

***

 

Morgan looked around the conference room. Something was off. There was a tension in the air that was not going him by unnoticed. He was sure that the others must have noticed it too. He glanced at Reid. Alright, maybe not everyone. Reid was completely entranced by the briefing, about a case they were going to be consulting on, Hotch was giving. A purple rhinoceros could have been standing in one of the corners of the room and he wouldn't have noticed a thing.

 

He had felt it the moment Emily stepped through the door. She had seemed nervous, almost apprehensive, emotions you rarely saw grazing the tough Prentiss features. It had worried him and he had, as discreetly as possible, eyed her as she made her way across the room to take a seat in the chair next to him.

 

She had tried to meet Hotch's gaze, but he had turned away. Seeing that Morgan hadn't really known what to think. He couldn't believe that Hotch would have done it on purpose. It really wasn't something that Hotch would do, snub a member of team like that, but the almost awkward tension that was thick inside the room told him a different story.

 

Morgan glanced at Hotch again, trying to make out something from his features that would clue him in on what was going on. But nothing. Hotch had on his 'Agent In Charge mask'. No emotions on display. Morgan shook his head. No, he wouldn't be fooled quite that easily.

 

"That's it guys," Hotch said, bringing the briefing to an end. But before anyone had time to even think about leaving he added; "Could you hang on for a moment, please. I believe that Prentiss has something to tell you." For the first time in the hour they had all been in the conference room his eyes fell on Emily.

 

Morgan doubted these were good news as he watched her shift in her seat.

 

"Uhm...I..." She stuttered a little, an uncomfortable flush creeping over her pale cheeks.

 

"Go on, Emily," Hotch said, his voice softening somewhat.

 

Emily looked around their confused and curious faces. JJ, who was sitting next to her, placed her hand on top of Emily's and making Morgan even more worried. He had toyed with some possible reasons behind the tension between Emily and Hotch. But he hadn't thought it was something as serious as this seemed to be.

 

"I haven't..." Emily started, "I haven't been completely honest with you guys," she said. "There have been some major changes in my life since I last was a member of this team."

 

"What kind of changes, sunshine?" Garcia said, "good I hope." A slightly nervous smile tilted her fuchsia lips.

 

"It's good." Emily smiled back. "But big." She twisted her hands nervously, biting her lips as she gathered the courage to just tell them. "I have a four year old daughter," she finally just blurted out.

 

"What!" Morgan's mouth formed an astounded circle.

 

"Ooooh!" Garcia squealed, clapping her hands. "A little miniature dark haired beauty." She smiled. "Oh, how cute she must be." She got up off her chair and hurried over to Emily, as fast as her pink four inch heels would let her. Pushing Morgan from his seat she plopped down next to her. "Pictures!" she demanded.

 

"Uhm, they're in my purse in my desk drawer." Emily told her. "I can show you later." She was growing increasingly uncomfortable. The others were all wrapped up in their excitement chatting away happily. But she needed to tell them the other half of her secret. The far less pleasant one.

 

Garcia stopped and turned towards Emily. "Sweetie, what's the matter? You're looking paler than usual," she said. "This is excellent news. Auntie Garcie gets one more tiny little person to spoil rotten." She smiled, rubbing Emily's arm. "Why didn't you tell us before?"

 

"It's complicated..." Emily started.

 

"Why?" Morgan said, looking between Emily and Hotch, silently wondering if the incredible image his mind was painting could be true.

 

"Because I am her father." Hotch said, his steely gaze locked firmly on them.


	11. Confusion reigns

Stunned silence occupied every corner of the conference room. JJ scanned the surprised faces around the table. Morgan, Garcia and even Reid, notorious for being completely oblivious to things happening around him, were all staring at Hotch with wide eyes and mouths hanging ajar. Rossi, she noticed, seemed to be the only one in the room not completely taken aback by Hotch's words. Somehow that didn't surprise her.

 

"You're what!" Morgan was the first to regain control of his vocal cords.

 

"I'm her father," Hotch stated calmly, turning his gaze on Morgan. "Emily's daughter," he said, his eyes dropping to Emily, "Grace, is also my daughter."

 

"Wow!" Garcia exclaimed. "You two are good, sneaky, but  _good_! How in the whole wide world have you been able to keep this a secret?" She grinned, looking expectantly between Hotch and Emily. Before she could say anything else JJ carefully caught her eye across the table and shook her head a little. Garcia's smile faltered and she looked questioningly at JJ.

 

"I... I don't understand," Reid said, scrunching his eyebrows tightly together as he took in Hotch's uncomfortable glare and Emily's slightly distraught features. "You have a child together," he said, trying to grip all the facts and line them up in neat rows, "but Emily, you've been living in New York the last five years...and Hotch, you've been here."

 

"Yeah," Morgan chimed in, an eyebrow raised in clear irritation as he stared Hotch down. "I don't get that part either," he snarled. "I didn't take you as someone who would walk away from your responsibilities, man. Why would you let her go?"

 

Hotch froze, his glare aiming daggers at Morgan. "That wasn't exactly what happened." He told him, his lips forming a taut line across his face, as he looked down at Emily.

 

Morgan's eyes changed, softened, as he followed his eyes. "Em?" he said, his worry evident in his deep voice.

 

Emily looked down at her hands, unconsciously picking at her nails. Clearing her throat uneasily she looked up again, first at Garcia, then Reid and finally stopping at Morgan. "Hotch never stepped away from  _any_  responsibility," she told them. "He didn't know. I never told him that I was pregnant." She sighed, guilt rising up inside her again.

 

"I'm even more befuddled now," Garcia said, looking at Emily and Hotch, her eyebrows knotted in bemusement behind her purple frames.

 

"Hotch and I had a...  _thing_ ," Emily said, cringing a little, "I found out I was pregnant after I moved to New York and I decided not to tell him," she continued, "yesterday was the first time he ever met Grace, he missed the first four years of her life and it'd no one's fault but mine."

 

No one said anything as Emily fell silent again looking away from the others, her eyes lingering at the windows. Awkward glances crossed the table, five pairs of eyes not knowing where to look, none of them daring to meet Hotch's eyes.

 

Suddenly the silence was broken by a loud crash, making JJ jump in her seat. The chair Morgan had been sitting in tumbled over as he pushed his way out of it. Without a word he stormed through the door and down the stairs.

 

Garcia moved to follow him, but Emily got up placing her hand on Garcia's shoulder. "I'll talk to him," she whispered as she turned and followed him out the door.

 

JJ sighed as she looked at the others. She could tell that Garcia was holding back tears as she stared at the closed door, that Morgan and then Emily had disappeared through seconds earlier. Garcia then turned towards Hotch, shaking her head, making her violently red hair dance around her face, she whispered. "Boss man?" eying him carefully. "What's going on?"

 

Hotch sighed heavily, sinking down in the chair next to her, the one that Emily had vacated only a minute earlier. "It's complicated," he said "I'm not even sure of everything yet."

 

"But..." Garcia persisted, "Why didn't she tell you?" Her voice was shaking, the tears she was holding in was obviously very close to spilling over.

 

"Penelope," Hotch sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I can't really say, Emily and I haven't really talked that much about it."

 

"But didn't she tell anyone?" Garcia sniffled looking between the others sitting around the table.

 

"Not me," Reid said, shrugging, he was still trying to process every bit of information that had been thrown at him.

 

"She didn't tell me either," Rossi said "I did find out though, but that was from Aaron just a few days ago."

 

"Jayje?" Garcia looked pleadingly at JJ.

 

"I did know," JJ said, looking down at the shiny tabletop. "She told me when she found out she was pregnant." She looked at Hotch, a small tear glistening in the corner of her eye. "I am so sorry, Hotch. I told her that she should tell you, but she was so determined not to. So determined that she would mess up your life. Nothing I said could change her mind."

 

**December 2010**

 

Emily sat on her sofa, one hand gliding protectively across the soft stretchy cotton covering her six month bump, trying to soothe her little girl after a long day. JJ sat down next to her, placing two glasses of sparkling water in front of them. She knew that look on Emily's face, that little wrinkle above her upper lip. She was tired, and tired pregnant Emily easily got emotional. JJ knew that feeling that way made Emily frustrated. She didn't like coming off as weak and she hated that her unpredictable hormones impaired her ability to compartmentalize.

 

JJ took a deep breath, there was something she had been toeing around all day. Never finding the perfect time to bring it up. Emily had been happy all day. It was the first time in over four months that they had seen each other and they had spent the day shopping for baby supplies, that Emily had been putting off getting. They'd had such a good time, gossiping about the people of the BAU, although carefully avoiding the one person she knew both of them needed to be talking about. She just didn't want to upset Emily and every time they had talked over the phone, during the last five months, bringing up Hotch had ended in tears.

 

She gave Emily a small smile. "You okay?" she said, reaching out a hand to rub over Emily's. "Our little shopping spree didn't wear out our mommy-to-be completely, did it?"

 

"I'm fine, Jayje," Emily smiled a weak smile back. "A little tired, but glad that I finally got this done, I've been needing to get this stuff for weeks." She arched an eyebrow at the bags lined up on the floor next to her. "Glad I finally had someone to help me carry." She smiled, glancing down at her belly "I'm starting to get huge."

 

"Glad to be of service." JJ chuckled a little. "And take it from someone who's been there, Em, you're gonna get huger."

 

Emily groaned, slapping JJ's arm. "Please, you were never huge, you were petite even when you were nine months pregnant. I, on the other hand, am on my way to becoming a whale." She laughed quietly. It took a few seconds for JJ to notice that the laugh had turned into quiet sobs.

 

"Emily, honey, what's the matter?"

 

Emily hesitated a little, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "How is he?"

 

"Honestly, not great," JJ said, after a few seconds of contemplating what words to use, "he misses you Em. We can all see that something is bothering him. The others haven't figured out what's wrong though. Reid did ask him about it a few months ago and he nearly took the poor boy's head off. Since then we avoid the subject."

 

"I'm so sorry," Emily said. "I knew that this would just cause problems."

 

"Emily, you being pregnant isn't causing any problems," JJ tried. Emily shook her head and was about to speak, but JJ cut her off. "No, Em. It's you being away that's causing the problems. Come back home. Come back to the BAU and tell Hotch."

 

"That wouldn't solve anything, JJ," Emily said, "that would only complicate things even more. I can't come back and just expect him to welcome me back with open arms. I love him too much to be the one to screw up his life again. I won't do that. It's better that he just forgets about me and moves on."

 

JJ sighed. Nothing she said was ever going make a difference. They'd had this conversation several times before. Always with the same outcome. Emily would always stubbornly insist that she was doing the only thing that she could do. For some inexplicable reason she had convinced herself that she would screw up Hotch's life if she went back.

 

**July 2015**

 

JJ shook her head to rid herself of the image of crying pregnant Emily. She did not, and never had, agreed with how Emily had dealt with the situation. But she was certain that she was the only one who knew how sad Emily had been throughout her pregnancy.

 

"Don't apologies, JJ." Hotch's voice pulled her back. "I know that this must have been hard on you and that you were only trying to help a friend."

 

"I just can't believe that our little Em would do that." Garcia said to no one in particular.

 

Hotch shifted uncomfortably in his seat, JJ could tell that he didn't want to have this conversation. "Uhm... maybe we should talk to Emily about that," she said, turning to Garcia who gave a tiny bob of her head.

 

"That's probably for the best," Hotch said, getting up from his seat, clearly intent on leaving the room. But as he got to the door he stopped and turned around facing them again. Taking a breath, a slight frown descended on his brow. "Just... just don't be too hard on her, she's your friend and she loves you." With that he opened the door and left them sitting by the round table, feeling sad, confused and angry.


	12. ...and then comes anger

"Morgan!" Emily called. The sound of her heels echoed across the almost empty bullpen as she chased after her friend who was quickly disappearing towards his office. "Morgan, please just wait."

 

He stopped, just outside his door, hesitating a few seconds before turning around and looking at her, resentment evident in his dark eyes.

 

"Morgan, let's talk, please." Emily said, looking pleadingly at him.

 

"Fine," he sighed, opening the door to his office, "let's talk in here."

 

Emily followed him inside, eying him silently as he sat down in his chair. Standing awkwardly by the door she watched as he ran a hand over his head, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Without looking at her he cocked his head at the chair across from him. She sat down, wordlessly waiting for him to take the first step.

 

He didn't waste any time. "Why the  _hell_ would you do something that stupid, Prentiss?" he exclaimed, lifting his head back up to scowl at her. He might have been able to will away some of the immediate rage but he was obviously still fuming. "What possessed you to do something so... so selfish?"

 

"It was a complicated situation, Derek." Emily said, trying to keep her voice calm. She really understood why he was reacting like this. Morgan didn't take well to children missing a parent. But she wouldn't have him shout at her.

 

"What's so fucking complicated about it, Emily?" His voice rose, spitting out the words as his hand slammed down on the desk. "You don't rob a child of one of their parents. You just don't do something like that."

 

"I... it wasn't my... I didn't mean to rob Grace of one of her parents." Emily said, stumbling over the words. She had known Morgan nine years. They were close friends. Never had she seen him being this angry, with her being the reason. It knocked her off her feet.

 

"But you didn't tell Hotch about her, right? She has spent the first four years of her life without her dad?" His voice was short, his tone mocking almost.

 

"You're right. Yesterday was the first time she ever met Hotch," Emily said, "but she has  _always_ known that she has a father who loves her. I couldn't explain the situation to her, of course, but she has always known that she has an amazing father."

 

"She's just never got to meet him."

 

"I did what I thought was best at the time." Emily looked away, evading the accusatory gaze that she could still feel stinging her skin. "You don't know how things were between me and Hotch, Derek. It wasn't good. Hotch was still a mess after everything that happened with Foyet and Haley..."

 

"So it was all his fault?" Morgan cut her off.

 

"No, that is not what I am saying. Please don't put words in my mouth," Emily said, still struggling to keep calm. "This is my doing and my doing alone. I don't blame anyone but myself and trust me I  _blame_ myself. When I saw the way Gracie's eyes lit when she first met Hotch..." She trailed off and her voice broke.

 

"Why didn't you just tell him, Emily?" Some of the anger was gone from his tone, but his eyes were still burning.

 

"Because it wouldn't have had been fair to him to throw something that huge at him when he already had so much on his shoulders. And to tie him down to someone he didn't love for the rest of his life, I just couldn't do that."

 

"Do you have any idea how crazy that sounds?"

 

"It was how I felt at the time. I was very confused. You know as well as I that I can't go back and change that so there's really no need for you to dissect it."

 

"Look, Em, I don't know anything about your relationship with Hotch and frankly I don't really care. Whether it was good or bad, you two created a life and she has the right to grow up with both her parents." He got up and paced the length of his office, stopping mid-stride he turned to face her again with eyebrows raised. "Wait, is that why you left the BAU? Because you got pregnant?"

 

"No, I didn't know I was pregnant when I left. I left because I knew that what I had with Hotch was falling apart at the seams and I didn't want it to come crashing down on the team. It was better that I left."

 

"I'm not gonna get into that, Emily, that's between you and Hotch. But to do that to Grace..."

 

"No, Derek. Stop right there." Emily felt frustration bubbling up inside her and got out of her chair to be level with Morgan. "I have so much respect for you, but..." she drew a deep breath, "I won't let you call me a bad parent. I know that I screwed up. I made bad decisions. If I could do it all over again I would do it a lot differently. But I have done everything for my little girl. I have always made sure that she feels safe and loved and the moment she started asking about her father I started planning our return to DC. The only reason I came back to the BAU was so that she could be with Hotch!" She exclaimed, tears of anger and frustration running down her cheeks as she turned on her heel and left.

 

***

 

Rossi got out of his seat, slowly folding his legs out, his joints creaking a little with the action. "I'm going to go talk to Aaron," he said, pulling the attention of the others onto him, reminding them that he too had been in the room. "You three see if you can find Emily. This is an odd situation we've found ourselves in, let's try to not make it any worse, shall we?"

 

They sat quiet after Rossi left, JJ, Garcia and Reid, the only ones left in the conference room. Letting their eyes glide over the walls, the windows and the door as if expecting someone to appear and explain the entire crazy situation to them.

 

Slowly Garcia turned to JJ, her eyes glassy behind her frames. "JJ, is this real?" She sneaked a finger behind her glasses to wipe away the tear trickling down her cheek.

 

"Afraid so," JJ sighed.

 

"But... but why?" Garcia gave up trying to discreetly wipe away the tears and took her glasses off to swipe a hand over her eyes.

"I really think that it would be best if we talked about this with Emily," JJ said, rubbing Garcia's hand. "I don't want to speak for her, I want to give her the chance to explain it all to you guys."

 

"But you were the one she confided in. How was she? It must have been so hard on her."

 

Garcia looked so sad, so desperate in her attempt to understand why someone she loved and respected as much as she did Emily had done something like this. JJ couldn't ignore her plea. "It really was hard on her," she said. "I've never seen her looking as broken as she did when I saw her the week after she found out."

 

"Oh, my poor little sugar snap pea. How awful it must have been." Garcia sighed.

 

"It wasn't pretty," JJ said "but guys, she doesn't like to talk about it, so let her bring it up."

 

"Of course," Garcia said as she got up, "now let's see if we can find our girl." She glanced down at Reid still sitting at the table staring into space. "Boy genius? You coming?"

 

"Huh? Oh no," Reid came back. "Uhm... I have some paperwork I need to do, you can go ahead without me."

 

"Uh, okay." Garcia said, giving him a long quizzical look before she left with JJ to go find Emily.

 

***

 

"So," Rossi said as he sauntered into Hotch's office without bothering to knock, "you seem to have calmed down a bit since we last discussed this subject."

 

"What do you mean?" Hotch looked up from the file he was seemingly going over. Rossi knew that he hadn't been paying it an ounce of attention.

 

"Well you seem to at least have come to an understanding with Emily." He sat down in the visitor's chair getting an exasperated glare from across the desk. "Although I'm guessing that you're not quite ready to admit that you still love her, even though your instinct to protect her still seem to be intact."

 

"I don't know what to tell you, Dave," Hotch said, shutting the folder. "Beyond getting together to spend time with my daughter, Emily and I just have a strictly professional relationship, that's it. I do, however, want my team to function as a unit and I don't want any animosity to be between any of the members."

 

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that," Rossi chuckled as a knock at the door made them both turn around to see Morgan stride in. A sour look on his face.

 

"Derek?" Hotch said. "Did Emily find you?"

 

"She did," Morgan said, tapping his foot irritably. "And she bit my head off." He took a few steps closer. "I don't get it Hotch. Why aren't you screaming and shouting?"

 

"Because I want to have a civil relationship with Emily for the sake of my daughter."

 

"But Hotch, the things she did. To you and to your daughter."

 

"Derek," Hotch cut him off, his eyes telling the younger man to stop speaking. "Don't you think that I've screamed and shouted and cursed. Of course I have. But doing that doesn't change anything. I don't want our  _private_  situation to affect the work that we do, so even if you might have a problem with Emily or even with me you keep it out of the BAU. Now if you two," he looked from Morgan to Rossi, who was sitting quietly watching the scene unfold in front of him, "excuse me, I have work to do."


	13. Aaron Hotchner; Monster finder

**August 2015**

 

"So, how are things?" Rossi looked at the younger man standing on the other side of the room quietly folding his shirts.

 

The question made Hotch stop in the middle of his folding and look up. "What things exactly are you talking about?" He arched a brow. "Me and Grace? Me and Emily? Or are you perhaps talking about the fact that the members of my team seem to have divided themselves into two camps?"

 

"Well," Rossi said, taking a seat in one of the armchairs, "all of the above I guess, take your pick."

 

Hotch sighed, grabbing the shirt and pushing it into the dark leather bag perched on top of his bed. "Everything is going great with Gracie," he said, smiling as he thought of his daughter, "I've spent every weekend with her the last three weeks and since we don't have any new cases I'll be able to visit her this weekend as well." His smile grew as he sank down on the bed. "She's amazing, so smart and so funny, something I am sure she gets from her mother. I just can't believe how easy it has been, she just took to me from the first time we met."

 

"I'm sure she's lovely," Rossi smiled at the light, almost cheery, quality to Hotch's voice, "how could she be anything else with parents like hers?" His smile slowly died away, mouth turning into a set line again. "What about Jack and Jessica? How are they dealing with all of this?"

 

Hotch turned away. Bracing his hands on his thighs. "I haven't told them yet."

 

"You haven't told them?" Rossi's eyes widened. "Aaron, you haven't told your son that he has a little sister?"

 

"It's not that easy, Dave," Hotch snapped back.

 

"Alright, alright, just asking," Rossi said holding up his hands in front of him. "Don't blow up on me. I know that this is your decision." He took a few breaths, waiting for the situation to calm down somewhat, "Then what about Emily. How's that going?"

 

"Same as before," Hotch said, his voice back to normal, "It's a bit...  _awkward_  spending time together outside of the office, but we both want what's best for Grace so we manage." He shifted a little, turning to look out the window. "The circumstances are of course far from good, but still it's nice to have her back... on the team. She is an excellent agent."

 

"And then there's the fact that you love her." Rossi smirked.

 

"Could you please stop saying that," Hotch sighed. "We're not even back to being friends yet. We're just... we're two people caught in an unusual situation that we are dealing with best we can."

 

"Okay," Rossi said, still smirking smugly to himself. "By the way, Aaron, I've noticed that you haven't paired her with Morgan the last few weeks. Why is that? Trying to shield her?"

 

"Come on, Dave," Hotch huffed. "You've seen the way they act around each other, they hardly talk unless they are forced to."

 

"Yes," Rossi said, " and as Unit Chief you should take them both by the ear and tell them to get their shit together. But you won't because secretly you're on her side and I completely get that."

 

Hotch turned, drawing a deep breath preparing himself to heatedly protest Rossi's statement but was cut off before he could begin by someone knocking on their door. Getting off the bed he padded across the soft carpet. Checking the peephole his lips tilted just a little in a small smile.

 

"Hey," he said as he opened the door.

 

"Hi," Emily answered, "I've got someone who wants to speak to her daddy." She smiled and handed him the cell phone that she'd had pressed to her ear.

 

Grinning he took the phone and held it up against his ear. "Hi, Little!" He said, using the nickname he had given Grace that was just theirs and that made her giggle every time he used it. Squeezing by Emily he left his and Rossi's hotel room to find some place more quiet, where he could talk to his daughter in private.

 

"I'm glad that Aaron and Grace found each other right away," Rossi said, waving Emily into the room, holding out a chair for her.

 

"They really have," Emily smiled as she sat down in the proffered chair. "They are really cute together, Gracie lights up whenever her daddy is around." She sighed. "Makes me feel even worse about that horrible decision I made."

 

"Emily," Rossi said, "people make mistakes. Five years ago you made a mistake. It's about time you forgive yourself for that. If you don't then you and Hotch will never be able to move forward."

 

Emily sighed. "You're right," she said, giving him a small smile.

 

"Of course I'm right," Rossi chuckled, "I'm always right. I just wish that more people would be as perceptive as you."

 

"Oh yeah?" Emily said, crooking an elegant eyebrow at him. "Thinking about anyone in particular?"

 

"I'm sure you know him," Rossi said, his smirk turning the corners of his graying goatee upwards, "tall, dark, likes to scowl a lot." He chortled to himself. "Seriously though," he said, "he hasn't told Jack yet? What's that about?"

 

Emily shifted, all of a sudden very uncomfortable. "It's not really my place to say anything. That is completely up to Hotch."

 

"I suppose it is," Rossi nodded, "but don't  _you_  want your daughter to know her half-brother? And Jack should get to know his half-sister. It is only fair. And since I'm not being very successful at shoving some sense into that thick skull of his, I thought that you might be able to do it."

 

"Me?" Emily raised an incredulous eyebrow at the older man. "You know that I'm not his favorite person, right? Why would he listen to me?"

 

"Because you're the mother of his daughter and because he respects you," Rossi said. "He has always held your opinion very highly and I am pretty sure that hasn't changed. He might be a little surly at the moment, but I still think he'll listen to reason if it comes from you." he said, smiling a little to himself. It might be a round-about, and slightly foggy, way of doing it, but he hoped that at least on some level he got his message across to Emily. That Hotch is still very much in love with her.

 

"I guess," Emily said, drawing out the words, uncertainty still lingering in her eyes. "I could give it a try at least."

 

"Good girl." Rossi chuckled. "I'm sure you'll do great."

 

***

 

Hotch leaned against the wall outside his and Rossi's room, the corridor was deserted so he could have all the privacy that he needed. His smile grew, dimples appearing swiftly, as he listened to his daughter's happy greeting.

 

"Hi, Daddy!" she trilled, "Mommy said that you were there too... and you were!"

 

"Here I am," Hotch laughed, "I am so glad that Mommy found me because I really wanted to talk to you, Little. I miss you."

 

"I miss you too," Grace said. "You know what I did in daycare today?" she said, her voice sparkling with enthusiasm.

 

"No, what did you do?" Hotch said, with equal enthusiasm.

 

"I got to feed Fluffy!" she exclaimed happily.

 

"Really!" Hotch smiled. "What did you feed him? Ice cream?"

 

"No, silly," Grace giggled. "Hamsters can't eat people food, they eat hamster food!"

 

"Then it's a good thing I didn't feed him, cause I'd have given him ice cream and candy." Hotch said, keeping his voice as serious as he could when listening to Grace's bright chirping laughter.

 

"You're silly Daddy!" Grace laughed a little more before turning very serious. "Are you sharing a room with Mommy?" she said, "Cause, you know, someone gotta check under her bed for monsters."

 

Hotch smiled. "No, sweetie," he said, "Mommy is sharing a room with Miss JJ and I am sharing with Mr Rossi, who Mommy and I also work with. I'm sure that Miss JJ will check under Mommy's bed, okay?"

 

"Oh, okay," Grace said and he could tell that she wasn't entirely pleased with that answer. "But you gotta make sure that JJ checks under Mommy's bed and you gotta check yours and Mr Rossi's. So that there's no monsters." She was very serious.

 

"I will. I promise," Hotch said, smiling at how protective his daughter was, just like her mother. "Has Mrs Becker checked under your bed?" he said, mentioning Emily's next door neighbor who stayed with Grace when he and Emily were away on cases.

 

"Yup," Grace said, "and it was monster free! Now you gotta check under Mommy's bed." Apparently she had decided that he would be better at checking for monsters than JJ.

 

"Alright, let me just go get her and we will go and check under her bed." Hotch smiled as he opened the door to go back to Emily and Rossi. They both fell silent when he entered the room and he wondered briefly what they had been talking about. But the small voice against his ear reminded him of what he was doing. "Come on, Mommy," he said, taking a hold of Emily's hand and pulling her up, "we have to check under your bed for monsters."

 

Smiling Emily followed him as he led her across the hall to her and JJ's room and listened to him reassuring Grace that they were on their way.

 

Pushing through the door, they startled JJ who got up from the bed and put down the book she had been reading to watch in amazement as Hotch got down on his hands and knees and peaked under the beds.

 

"It's all monster free," he said into the phone, "yep, both under Mommy's and under Miss JJ's bed. No monsters at all. Yes I'll check under my own and Mr Rossi's later. You want to say goodnight to Mommy? Okay, goodnight, Little. I love you." He handed the cell phone to Emily. "She wants to say goodnight."

 

Snickering JJ leaned closer to Hotch. "Aaron Hotchner," she smiled, "brave monster finder."


	14. A small step forward

Hanging up after having said goodnight to Grace, Emily looked over at Hotch and JJ quietly talking a few feet away. She caught JJ's eye, slowly raising an eyebrow to silently convey to her friend that she really needed some time alone with Hotch.

 

JJ gave her a slight nod of her head, clearing her throat she announced that she was in dire need of something sugary and unhealthy and that she was going to take a trip down to the wending machine in the lobby.

 

Smiling as she watched JJdisappear through the door and out into the corridor she turned to face Hotch. "Sweet girl," she said, smiling, "not much of an actress though."

 

He chuckled a little. "I take it you have something to discuss with me?" he said. She could see the faint trace of discomfort, or maybe it was nerves, across his otherwise unreadable face. "Something to do with Grace?"

 

"No," Emily said, then quickly added, "yes... in a way." She sat down on her bed and he sat down on JJ's, raising an eyebrow at her. She looked away. The strong resolve, to discuss letting Jack know about Grace with him, she had felt a few minutes earlier was slowly seeping away. "Look, Hotch," she said, turning back to look him in the eyes, "I know that this might not be any of my business," she drew a breath, "but I have to ask. Why haven't you told Jack that he has a little sister yet?"

 

"Oh," Hotch said, "so that was what you and Dave were talking about earlier."

 

"He mentioned that you two had discussed it and said that he thought that it is a shame that Grace and Jack hasn't met yet," she explained.

 

"Okay," Hotch said, "what do you think about that?"

 

"Like I said, Hotch, it's not my place to tell you what to do or don't do with your son," she said, taking a deep breath before continuing, "but I would really like Grace to get to know her older brother."

 

"I want that too, Em," Hotch said and Emily could feel her heart beating faster when he called her the nickname he'd had for her, but he didn't seem to notice. "But I just think that it would be for the best if we wait a little while longer. I don't want to rush it."

 

Emily sighed, she'd been accepting everything that Hotch had been throwing at her the last month. He had every right to be mad at her, but this she wasn't okay with. It wasn't like he had been okay with her wanting to wait when he had wanted them to tell the team.

 

"But don't you think he'll be less upset if you just tell him now instead of waiting?" she said.

 

"It's not quite that simple," Hotch said, pinching the bridge of his nose as his shoulders tensed up, "it's just been the two of us and Jessica the last six years, he doesn't do well with new people."

 

"But this is his sister, Hotch. I know that Grace would be ecstatic if she knew that she had an older brother."

 

"I'm sure Grace would love Jack unconditionally from the moment she met him," Hotch said, his eyes shifting to stare into the distance, "she has got so much love in her." His voice was soft, Emily couldn't stop the smile growing on her lips.

 

"Then why don't you just tell him," she said, slowly reaching out across the beds to place her hand on his.

 

He flinched, almost imperceptibly, but didn't move his hand. "No," he said, calmly but firmly, "like I said, I don't want to rush it."

 

Emily frowned and withdrew her hand. "So, what you're saying is that it's okay for you to rush me with telling the rest of the team, but you don't want to be rushed when telling the people closest to you?"

 

"These are two completely different scenarios," Hotch said, shaking his head, "I don't want to wait to protect myself, I want to wait to protect Jack."

 

"By lying to him?" Emily said, arching an eyebrow.

 

"Well, wasn't that what you were doing?" Hotch gazed at her. "You didn't tell me you were pregnant because you thought you were protecting me."

 

Emily felt heat flushing her cheeks. He was right, she had lied to him to protect him. But that had been the completely and utterly wrong thing to do. "Yes," she said, "I didn't tell you that I was pregnant because at the time I thought that was the right thing to do, that I was protecting you." She sighed, taking his hand in hers again. "But I wasn't protecting you, I was just hurting you."

 

"Yeah," Hotch said, taking a deep breath, "I just don't know how Jack will take it. He has become very possessive of me over the last few years."

 

"I completely get that, Hotch. It's natural, you're his only parent. But he's going to have to find out about Grace at some point and I just think that sooner is better than later."

 

"It's not just him finding out about Grace that concerns me," Hotch said.

 

"What else is it then?"

 

"It's you too," Hotch said, tensing up even more, "He won't be happy to know that I dated someone so soon after his mother died and that I made a baby with that person," he trailed off looking more and more distraught.

 

Emily cringed. She hadn't thought about that. The few times she had met Jack before she left the BAU they had got on famously. Now he would probably not want to see her. Ever again. She was the woman who had shamelessly slept with his grieving father.

 

"Emily." Hotch's voice brought her back. She looked up and noticed that he had his intense gaze locked on her. She felt her cheeks becoming warmer again. She knew that those piercing eyes were seeing right through her.

 

"It's not your fault, Emily," he said, hitting the nail right on the head. "If I recall it correctly we were two people present at every possible moment of conception and I was a very willing participant." He smiled, it was just the slightest twitch of one of the corners of his mouth but Emily caught it. "Jack just doesn't like it in general if I date someone, so I just don't."

 

Emily felt a small jolt of... was it hope?... spring through her. "So..." she said, slight nerves apparent in her tone, "you haven't dated anyone?"

 

"No," Hotch said, "with Jack and the BAU there hasn't really been any time for dating, or really any social activities." He looked away.

 

"I know what you mean," she said. She had no idea why, he hadn't asked her but still she kept on going. "Between Gracie and my job at the New York field office, I didn't really have an active social life either." Also there was the fact that none of the, albeit very few, men she had very briefly dated even came close to Hotch.

 

Feeling something ghost against the back of her hand, she glanced down realizing that her hand was still tucked inside Hotch's and his thumb was slowly stroking the back of it. She looked at him, he didn't seem to realize he was doing it. A bit uneasily she pulled her hand away.

 

He looked up, the situation seemingly hitting him. He got up, clearing his throat. "It's getting late," he said, moving towards the door, "we have an early flight tomorrow, so we should probably get some sleep." He opened the door, and with a "goodnight," he was gone.

 

***

 

Hotch leaned closer into the seat, looking out the window, watching the blue sky and the clouds floating by. He sat by himself at the back of the jet, not feeling up for the usual banter, he would rather be alone with his thoughts.

 

Ever since he left Emily's hotel room the night before he had been thinking about when and how he should tell Jack that he has a little sister. He needed to do it soon. Emily was right, lying to Jack would only hurt him in the end. He might get upset, angry even, but it was better if he knew the truth.

 

It wasn't so much finding out about Grace that he was worried would upset Jack, he was sure that after some time Jack would come to love Grace as much as he did. It was finding out about Emily that he knew would upset Jack the most. He had made his feelings about Hotch getting involved with any new woman perfectly clear.

 

So he hadn't dated anyone. He had told himself that he refrained from meeting new women because he knew that Jack didn't want him to. And that was one of the reasons. But he also knew that he hadn't dated anyone because he knew that he would never be able to find anyone quite like Emily.

 

He sighed, glancing over at Emily, where she sat next to Rossi a few feet in front of him. As a warmth grew slowly inside him at the sight of her he just knew that this whole situation would become even more difficult before it could get any better.


	15. ...and a few steps back

Hotch closed the door behind him with a soft thud. He dropped his bag on the floor and took a few steps into the apartment, calling his son's name."Jack?" He could hear muffled steps coming closer and his lips tilted in a smile as Jack rounded a corner. "Hey, buddy," he said bending down to give his son a kiss on the top of his head. "Where's aunt Jessie?"

 

"I'm right here, Aaron," Jessica Brooks said as she emerged from the kitchen, "I'm glad you're back," she gave him a quick hug, "I have a dentist's appointment in half an hour, so I have to run." She gave Jack a hug, "I'll see you both tomorrow," she smiled as she grabbed her bag and left.

 

Hotch followed Jack into the apartment, taking a seat in his favorite armchair as Jack plopped down on the floor to play with some of his toy cars. He smiled as he watched his son play. Jack had always been a calm child, he would rarely get worked up about things. He was a very very sweet boy. Maybe he was just being silly thinking that telling Jack about Emily and Grace would upset him too much.

 

"Jack," he said and Jack turned and looked at him. "There is something that I need to talk to you about. Something really important." He got out of his chair. "Come on, let's have some juice and go sit by the table."

 

As Jack scrambled over to the table, sitting down in his usual chair, Hotch went to the kitchen to get a glass of water for himself and a juice box for Jack.

 

"Ooh, grape!" Jack said, smacking his lips at the purple box, pulling off the tiny straw and plunging it into the box.

 

"It's the best!" Hotch smiled, taking a large sip of his water to help his suddenly dry throat. He watched as the boy took a few large gulps, smiling widely as a drop of purple juice trickled down his chin.

 

"Jack," he began, "I am going to tell you something very important, so I need you to pay close attention, okay?"

 

"Okay, Dad," Jack said nodding.

 

"Do you remember Miss Prentiss?" Hotch said, knowing that Jack probably wouldn't but he still wanted to ask. "She used to work with me a long time ago."

 

Jack scrunched his eyebrows in a tight knot, tilting his head to the side and Hotch's heart grew warm when he realized just how similar a lot of Jack and Grace's mannerisms were.

 

"Yeah... maybe," Jack said after a short while, "I don't really know."

 

"That's okay, Jack," Hotch said. "She used to be one of my closest friends, back when we were working together, and she helped me out a lot after Mommy died." He paused, carefully examining Jack's expression. The last few years most conversations they'd had about Haley had been happy ones. But there still were the odd times when talking about his mother made Jack a little sad.

 

This time he seemed to be fine, so Hotch continued. "Miss Prentiss and I, well, we grew very close and I... I liked her very much."

 

Jack's head snapped up. " _Liked,_ liked her?" he said, "like she was your  _girlfriend_?" He wrinkled his nose.

 

Hotch cringed at the way Jack said the word  _girlfriend_. He took a deep breath. "Yes, Jack, you could say that she was my girlfriend."

 

"But not any longer right?" Jack said, arching both brows. "She moved away, right?"

 

"She did," Hotch nodded, "she moved to New York and we stopped seeing each other," he said, taking a deep breath. "But," he continued, "about a month ago she moved back to DC and she started working with me and the team again."

 

"But she's not your girlfriend now, right?" Jack asked, his eyes intently fixed on his father.

 

"No she is not. She is my friend, but nothing more. But Jack, something else has happened and this is the very important part so I need you to listen."

 

Jack nodded.

 

"When Miss Prentiss came back she told me that she is a mommy now. She has a little daughter, Grace, who's four years old." He paused a second. " _I_  am Grace's dad, Jack. Grace is my daughter and she is your little sister." He fell silent, watching carefully as his words seemed to enter his son's mind.

 

Jack sat quiet a few moments and Hotch was just about to ask him what he was thinking when the young boy screwed his eyes shut exclaiming miserably "But I don't want a little sister!"

 

"Jack, calm down, buddy," Hotch said quietly, reaching out to rub his hand over Jack's shoulder. "I know that this is a lot for you to take in and I promise that I won't rush you into anything. But I really think that you would like Grace, she is a lot like you."

 

"No, Dad," Jack said defiantly, crossing his arms over his chest, "I won't."

 

"Jack," Hotch said, "I know this isn't easy right now, but I promise you it will get better." He got up and walked around the table to sit next to Jack and wrapped an arm around his narrow shoulders.

 

Jack drew away from him a little, shrugging. "She's going to take up all of your free time. You won't have any left for me," he almost whined.

 

"Jack, you know that's not true," Hotch said, gently rubbing his shoulder and trying to soothe him. "I will make sure that I have time for both of you, maybe we could even do some fun stuff together with Grace and Miss Prentiss."

 

"No!" Jack snapped, wiggling out of his father's grip. "I don't wanna do anything with them. You're  _my_  dad! I wanna do stuff with  _you_ , not with _them_... They can't have you."

 

"Buddy, no one is taking me away," Hotch said, "I'm not your dad any less because I am Grace's dad. But I am her dad as well so she will be in my life too. I am sure that you will really like her once you get to know her and Miss Prentiss too."

 

"I don't care," Jack huffed angrily. "I don't wanna spend any time with her and I don't wanna spend any time with Miss Prentiss!" Sending his father one final glare Jack leaped off his chair and sprinted towards his room.

 

"Jack!" Hotch called after him but he didn't stop, he went straight for his room and slammed the door shut behind him. Hotch took a few quick steps forward, at first fully intent on following his son and straightening everything out.

 

But when he reached the hallway he stopped. He knew that Jack was just like him and he knew that he would have wanted some time to cool off before talking abut it again. He sank down on the black leather couch. He would revisit the subject later, but for now he would let Jack get a chance to wrap his head around this enormous change in his life. He just needed some time to get used to the idea.

 

He looked at his cell phone lying on the coffee table. He needed to call Emily. He didn't know if he could make it to see Grace tomorrow when Jack was this upset. But he was worried about what Grace would think if he didn't show up. He would be devastated if he disappointed his little girl. He never wanted to do that. He picked up the phone and quickly dialed Emily's home number.

 

"Hello."

 

"Hi, Emily, it's me," he said, a bit hesitantly.

 

"Hotch?" Emily said, surprised. "What's up? Please, not a new case."

 

"Oh, no, not a case," Hotch said. He sighed "Uh...I might not be able to make it tomorrow."

 

"What? Why?" Emily said, the disappointment in her voice was palpable and it made his heart sink.

 

"I told Jack," he said.

 

"Oh," she said, "and he didn't take it well?"

 

"No," Hotch sighed, "he's scared that I'll start spending more time with Grace than with him. He's pretty upset."

 

"Of course," Emily said, "he must be shocked right now. But you did a good thing, Aaron, by telling him."

 

"I know, I just feel so guilty right now." Hotch sighed again, scrubbing his hand across his furrowed brow.

 

"Don't," Emily said, her soft voice making him feel slightly better, "just give it a little time, he'll come around when everything has had a chance to sink in."

 

"I hope so," he said, "I just feel so bad that I can't come visit Grace, but I don't really want to leave Jack. Jessica is supposed to take him to the movies tomorrow, but I might call her and cancel, I don't know..." he sighed deeply once more, shaking his head.

 

"What if Grace and I drop by some time tomorrow. She really misses you. Maybe she could stay there a few hours, I don't have to be there, that might be too much for Jack but maybe meeting Gracie would help him come to terms with the situation."

 

"Would you do that?"

 

"Of course, Hotch," Emily said and he could hear the smile in her voice, "I want Grace to spend as much time as possible with you, she loves her Daddy so much."

 

Hotch also smiled. He was grateful that Emily would bring Grace to him, when he couldn't come to her. He knew that he would have had a very hard time not seeing Grace for another week and he didn't want her wondering why her daddy didn't come to see her.

 

"Thanks, that means so much to me," he said, smiling. "Is 10 am tomorrow okay for you guys?"

 

"We'll be there," Emily smiled.


	16. Pretty in Pink

Hotch sat on the couch, his foot tapping an even rhythm against the carpet as he glanced at his watch. Emily and Grace wouldn't be there for another fifteen or so minutes. He got up, walking a lap around the living room, glancing out the window and continuing down the hall, finally stopping outside Jack's room. Carefully he leaned against the door, he couldn't really hear anything so he guessed that Jack was reading or maybe playing with his legos. Either way he wouldn't bother him.

 

Jack still wasn't really speaking to him. Except for at a quick breakfast, where he had answered any question that Hotch had had with an uncommitted grunt, he had been holed up in his room. When Hotch had told him that Grace was coming to see him later in the day he had shrugged and mumbled something about not caring. At least he hadn't yelled or cried. Hotch sensed that he was beginning to come around to the idea of having a little sister. But he was still obviously shocked, so he would give it a little more time.

 

A knock at the door shook him back. He quickly made his way over, chuckling as he heard Grace's squeaky voice outside calling loudly for him.

 

"Daddy! We're here!"

 

He opened the door and almost toppled over as a small body slammed into his knees and a pair of thin arms wrapped tightly around him. "Hiya, Daddy! I missed you," Grace mumbled against his jeans.

 

"I missed you too, Little," he said, hoisting her up and snuggling her against his chest. He smiled as her little arms twirled around his neck and he placed a soft kiss on her wild black hair. He caught Emily's eyes over Grace's head. She gave him a small smile. The way her eyes were shining made a shiver roll down his spine and the hairs on his arms stand straight up. Not in an unpleasant way though, no, the feeling was almost hopeful and that took him by surprise.

 

But he had no time to think about it, Grace wiggled to get free, demanding to be put down so that she could explore his house. He complied, carefully lowering her down onto the floor. When her feet touched the carpet she scuttled away, looking with large eyes at all the new and exciting things around her.

 

"Grace!" Emily called after her. "Be careful. Ask Daddy before you touch anything, okay?"

 

"Okay, Mommy." Grace turned around and came back to Emily and Hotch.

 

"Now, come and give me a kiss before I go." She bent down and pulled Grace against her, gently kissing her cheek.

 

"You could stay, if you want to." Hotch said quietly, as they both watched Grace skipping back into his apartment.

 

"No, this is your time," Emily said, "I want her to have a good first meeting with Jack and I don't think that would be the case with me here." she continued. "I told her about Jack yesterday. She still doesn't fully understand how he can be her brother when I'm not his mother, but she is still excited to get to meet someone new," Emily smiled. Holding out a pink backpack she said "Here are some of Grace's toys. I'll be back around two, if that's okay with you?"

 

"That's fine. We will see you then." Hotch said and then without really thinking he leaned forward and gave her a quick hug. Just as his arms wrapped around her waist he realized what he was doing and quickly pulled back. "Oh... I..." His eyes darted nervously between her face and the wall behind her.

 

"Uhm, see you," Emily said, her cheeks flushed as she turned and walked out the door closing it behind her.

 

Hotch stood still a moment, watching the closed door, his mind spinning, rapidly twisting itself into knots. The discreet scent of her perfume still lingering around him, fogged up his mind even further.

 

"Daddy!"

 

Grace's voice forced him to focus, he shook his head, shaking away the feeling of having Emily, however briefly, in his arms. "Coming, Gracie," he said.

 

Grace was sitting in the middle of his living room floor looking up at him with a wide smile. When he sat down on the couch she quickly got up and jumped on top of him. " _Ooof_ ," he groaned as the air was knocked out of him, only making Grace giggle harder and jump on him again.

 

Hotch laughed, deep from his stomach, as he caught Grace and picked her up. The little girl squirmed as he dropped her in the middle of the couch and tickled her sides until she was screaming with laughter.

 

Calming things down a few minutes later, he pulled Grace close and sat her down next to him. She looked at him with curious eyes. Probably wondering why he had stopped playing.

 

He smiled at her. "So," he said, "Mommy has told you that you have a brother named Jack, right?"

 

"Yup," Grace said, nodding. "But, you know, he's not whole, he's only half," she said matter-of-factly.

 

"Yes, he's your half-brother," Hotch told her, smiling at the way her big brown eyes looked up at him. "That means that I am your daddy and I am his daddy too. But your mommy isn't his mommy."

 

"Okay," Grace said, accepting his explanation without any questions. "Why isn't he playing with us?" she however wanted to know.

 

"Oh, he's in his room," Hotch said, "he's a little grumpy today."

 

"Why?" Grace said, tilting her head.

 

"Sometimes people just feel a little grumpy and want to spend some time alone," he said, smiling.

 

"Oh, okay," Grace said, again accepting her daddy's explanations without any hesitation. In her eyes he knew everything. A wide smile spread across her face as she held out her hands for him to see. "Look!" she said, "Mommy painted my nails pink!"

 

Hotch smiled and took one of her little hands in his. "She did?" he said. "She's the best mommy ever, isn't she? You look very pretty."

 

"You wanna have pink nails too, Daddy?" Grace said, her eyes shining. "You would look real pretty too!"

 

"Uh... maybe another time, Gracie honey," Hotch said, "I don't have any nail polish here, so we'll have to wait till we're at Mommy's."

 

"I got the pink nail paint in my bag, Daddy!" Grace said happily, hopping off the couch and skipping over to the front door where her pink bag was still lying before Hotch had time to say anything else.

 

"Come on, Daddy!" Grace said, coming back with the pink bag in one hand. "You can't sit there, Mommy says that you always have to paint your nails at the table with lots of tissues,  _not_ in the sofa or the bed." She took him by the hand and tugged him with her over to the kitchen.

 

He couldn't really do anything other than let her. She was smiling so happily and her laughter was so contagious that he didn't have the heart to say no to her. He couldn't tell her that FBI Supervisory Special Agents In Charge weren't supposed to have pink nails. So he grabbed a box of tissues and and sat down next to Grace.

 

"Here," she smiled holding out a small pink bottle, "you gotta take the lid off cus I'm too little."

 

He took the little bottle from her, holding it between his thumb and index finger as he examined the light pink content.

 

"Daddy! Faster!" Grace said, tugging at his sleeve.

 

He smiled at her, brushing a hand over her hair. He loosened the top and put the bottle down in front of Grace. "Be careful now, honey," he said, "I don't think Mommy would be very happy if she came back and found you covered in nail polish."

 

"Okay, Daddy," Grace said, nodding vigorously. "Now put your hand there." She pointed on a spot in front of her and he placed his hand there. Grace took the little brush, immediately dripping nail polish on his hand. She giggled loudly, tiny dimples creasing her cheeks.

 

"You know," Hotch smiled, "that's not my nails."

 

Grace laughed again causing more nail polish to drip over his fingers. Concentrating hard, she carefully swept the little brush against the tips of his fingers, some polish ending up on his short nails and some of it missing its target. When she was satisfied with the first hand, he switched to the other, again getting droplets of polish on his hand.

 

"All done!" Grace chirped, beaming at her father. "Look," she said, pointing at his hands, both dotted with globs of drying pink polish. "Now you gotta wave your hands so it dries, like this." She flapped her arms, demonstrating how he was supposed to do it.

 

He waved his hands a little, then held them up in front of Grace, showing her his pink nails. She squealed and held up her own hands next to his. "Our hands look the same, Daddy!" She laughed as she pressed her tiny palm against his large.

 

He smiled, "That they do." She looked up at him and he felt his smile widening further. "We look very pretty, don't we?" He asked her and Grace nodded. Then soft footsteps coming closer behind them made Hotch turn around.

 

"What are you doing?"


	17. Brother and Sister

Hotch smiled carefully at his son standing a few feet away twisting his hands nervously. The sound of Hotch and Grace's happy voices must have made its way to Jack's ears, prompting him out of his room. His eyes scanned Jack's face, letting go of a breath as he saw no anger or resentment in his blue eyes, just nerves. "Jack! Hey, buddy." he said, "Gracie's just painted my nails," he held up his hand, "looks nice, don't you think?"

 

Jack frowned, taking a few steps closer. "Looks stupid," he huffed. "Boys can't wear nail polish, just girls wear nail polish."

 

"Boys can too have painted nails," Grace piped up, tilting her head to look at Jack. "Daddy's got it and he's a boy."

 

Jack sighed, looking down at the tiny girl, sitting next to his father and staring up at him expectantly. "No, I meant that boys  _shouldn't_ wear nail polish, especially pink, it's for girls." He wrinkled his nose.

 

" _I_  think it's pretty,"Grace declared.

 

Hotch smiled at both of them, first at Grace lightly rubbing his index finger over her plump cheek, then turning to give Jack a reassuring smile. "You are both right," he said, "boys usually don't wear nail polish," he glanced down at his hands covered in splashes of pink, "but it does look quite pretty." He chuckled and moved over one seat. "Jack," he said "why don't you join us?"

 

Jack shuffled over, dragging his feet behind him, then slowly sinking down on the chair next to Hotch.

 

"Jack," Hotch said, a serious tone to his voice, "this is Grace, she is your little sister."

 

"Hi," Jack mumbled, keeping his eyes on his hands.

 

"Hi!" Grace trilled, leaning across the table and craning around Hotch to get a better look at her brother. "You look like Daddy," she smiled.

 

"I know," Jack said.

 

"I look like my Mommy," Grace told him, "but I get holes in my cheeks just like Daddy." She smiled as wide as she could to prove her point.

 

A short smile touched Jack's lips and Hotch felt a bit of the stone weighing down on top of his chest being chipped away.

 

Jack nodded. "I see them," he said, "I got 'em too." He smiled and Grace squealed and clapped her hands.

 

Seeing how Jack was becoming more relaxed Hotch decided to go out on a limb. "Hey, Jack," he said, "you wanna show Gracie the rest of the apartment? You could show her your room and mine. She's really curious and I am sure that you are way better than me at demonstrating the best ways to jump on my bed." His eyes twinkled as Jack's widened a bit. "You're not as stealthy as you might think, bud."

 

"I wanna jump on the bed!" Grace exclaimed. "Mommy  _never_  lets me do that."

 

"Okay," Hotch smiled, "but just this once." Grace nodded and he turned to Jack. "What do you say, Jack, want to jump on the bed with your little sister?" He looked deep into Jack's blue eyes, trying to convey to him how important this was to him.

 

"Sure," Jack said, smiling slightly at his father. Hopping off his chair, he turned to Grace. "Come on," he said, "I'll show you were Dad's room is."

 

"Yay!" Grace grinned as she skipped after him. "You're really big," she said to Jack, "I bet you can touch the ceiling!"

 

"Careful!" Hotch called after them, but he wasn't worried, even though Jack still seemed to be a rather reluctant older brother he knew that he wouldn't let anything happen to Grace. In that aspect he was just like Hotch, if he could help it, no one would ever come to any harm when he was around.

 

He laughed to himself as he got up and started towards the fridge to start lunch, the sound of Grace's sweet laughter ringing through the apartment.

 

***

 

Reaching into her purse, Emily managed to find her shrilly ringing cell phone after the third ring. Checking the display before holding it up to her ear, she could feel a flash of nerves running through her. "Hotch," she said, sucking in a breath "is something wrong?"

 

"Oh, no," Hotch's deep voice quickly told her, "everything is fine. Don't worry. Gracie's taking a nap."

 

"Then why are you calling?" she asked, "I'll be at your place in thirty minutes."

 

"I was hoping you could do me a favor."

 

"Sure."

 

"Could you maybe pick up something that cleans away nail polish, my hands are covered in the stuff and apparently soap and water doesn't work."

 

Emily tried to suppress the laugh, but couldn't help the loud snort. "She got you, did she?" she said, smiling wide. The moment she saw Grace put that little bottle of pink nail polish in her little pink bag she had known this was going to happen.

 

"Could you say no to those eyes?" he huffed and it made her laugh even more.

 

"I know," she said, "it's hard to resist those puppy dog eyes. You are not the first one to have tried and failed." She heard Hotch's soft chuckle and felt her own smile grow wider. "I'll pick up some nail polish remover on my way to your place."

 

"Thanks," he said. "I'll see you in a little while."

 

"See you," she said and clicked off.

 

***

 

Hotch was tidying up the living room, after having checked up on Grace who was still sleeping soundly in his bed, when Emily showed up forty minutes after they had spoken on the phone.

 

Opening the door, he greeted her with a small smile. When she returned the smile, her beautiful eyes sparkling, his mind immediately flashed back to having her in his arms in that brief hug. The same chills as earlier went down his spine and for a second he lost himself in the feeling and forgot that she was standing there.

 

"Hotch?" He looked up at her, looking into her confused eyes. "Can I come in?" She smiled at him and he could swear he felt his cheeks growing uncharacteristically red as he mumbled a "Sorry" and stepped aside to let her in.

 

"Hi," she said as she squeezed by him, brushing against his arm, and made her way into the living room. "So," she said, looking at him as she put her purse down on the floor, "may I ask how everything went with Grace and Jack?"

 

"It went okay," Hotch said, also stepping further into the living room, "he's still a little standoffish, but they spent about an hour together getting to know each other," he smiled, "well, Gracie did most of the talking, but I think Jack enjoyed having someone younger looking up to him."

 

"Aaww, I'm so glad to hear that, Hotch," Emily smiled, "Gracie was so excited about having a brother."

 

"I know," Hotch said, "You should have seen the smile on her face after the half hour they both spent jumping on my bed." He smiled. Emily laughed and he raised an eyebrow at her. "What?"

 

"Oh, I'd almost forgot," she said in between snorts. Reaching out she grabbed a hold of his hand, flipping it over and examining the creamy streaks of pink polish covering his fingers. "That is so cute," she said, "Taffeta cream pink really suits you."

 

"Thanks," Hotch said, raising a somewhat amused eyebrow at her, "I'm glad you approve."

 

"You are very welcome," Emily smiled, "now if you go get some cotton balls, I will make your nails FBI appropriate again."

 

Sitting at the table a few minutes later, Hotch held out his hands letting Emily rub a wet cotton ball against his skin. Despite the foul smell, he found himself enjoying the feeling of having her hands so close to his.

 

"So," Emily said, smiling as she scrubbed the cotton over one particularly large glob of polish on one of his knuckles, "I can't believe you let a four year old paint your nails."

 

"Oh, I don't mind," Hotch said, switching hands, trying hard to ignore the little jolt of warmth her fingers on his skin created, "I'd do anything for my little Gracie."

 

"I know," Emily smiled back, "I love that you let her paint your nails, it's the sweetest thing I've ever seen."

 

"Thanks," Hotch smiled.

 

"Uhm," Emily said, after a few moments of silence, "where's Jack now? Is he with Jessica?"

 

"Oh, no," Hotch said, "he's in his room reading, even though he seems to be okay with Grace I think he's still a little mad at me."

 

"Oh," Emily said, looking a little hesitantly towards the hallway. She knew that if Jack was still upset with Hotch then he most certainly would be upset with her too. "Okay," she said, patting his hand "you're nails and hands are back to regulation standard." Looking at her watch and back at the hallway she said, "Maybe you should go get Grace, if she sleeps any longer I'm sure she'll be up half the night."

 

Hotch gave her a smile and nodded as he got up from his chair, "I'll be right back," he said and made his way towards his bedroom.

 

Also getting up, Emily started to wander around Hotch's living room picking up some of the things Grace had brought. Her purple hoodie, the one she always insisted on wearing even when it was well into the seventies outside, a few books she had wanted to show her father and the little brown teddy bear with the purple bow that now went everywhere with her.

 

Hearing something behind her she turned, expecting to see Hotch with Grace.

 

"What are you doing here?" Jack Hotchner asked her.

 

"Oh. Hi Jack," she said, taking a few steps towards the boy, "I'm here to pick up Grace."

 

"Why didn't you just wait outside?" Jack asked, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at her. "Dad would have brought her out to you."

 

"Uh, your dad needed some help and I needed to talk to him about some things," she said.

 

"You're not his girlfriend, you know." Jack stated, glaring even harder at her.

 

"I know," Emily said, "we're just friends, honey."

 

"He's not ever gonna be your boyfriend, so you don't have to come here anymore."

 

"Jack!" Hotch emerged from his bedroom carrying a half sleeping Grace in his arms. "Miss Prentiss is my friend and Grace's mother," he whispered harshly, "if I want to have her over I will. Now apologize."

 

Jack just glared defiantly at them both, obviously in no mood to apologize to anyone. Turning on his heel he stomped back to his room.

 

"It's okay, Hotch," Emily said, walking over to him and taking Grace from him. "I'll give you a call later, okay?"

 

"Okay," Hotch said and leaned forward to press a soft kiss to Grace's dark hair. Giving Emily a sad smile he held open the front door and watched as she left with Grace.


End file.
